


Shoot Your Shot, Richie Tozier

by NotpocalypseNow



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged up characters, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Bad Teenage blowjobs, Beverly lives with family in Derry and her dad is just gone we don't talk about him, Dry Humping, Eddie is too but he doesn't know it yet, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Georgie is fine too, M/M, Makeouts, No nut november, Not beta'd we die like men, Period-Typical Homophobia, Richie is a gay disaster, Stanley is Tired™, Swearing, We just want them to be happy, because pennywise hasn't amplified his internalized homophobia, btw this is half chat-fic half prose, but he's still a good friend, chatfic, eddie can be happy too, hence the word count, lots of swearing, puking (it's richie what do you expect), richie isn't as freaked out about being gay he can finally live and be happy, she's safe don't worry, we didn't know about the other one we started fhdsfhak, yes it's ANOTHER chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21725041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotpocalypseNow/pseuds/NotpocalypseNow
Summary: It's the last big event of the school year before the Losers are splitting up and going off to college and Beverly Marsh has made it her mission to go to her first school dance with her best friends in the whole world. Richie Tozier has never been to a school dance and has never planned on going until he finds out Eddie is the only one with a real DATE??? Let the race to confessing and Richie shooting his shot before the school year ends begin!Richie is still a disaster who can't stop bringing up Eddie's mom at the worst possible moment and throwing up during intimate moments, Eddie wants to kick his ass but also make out with him, Stan is a good friend despite being very tired and yearns to someday confess to Bill who he likes but doesn't really plan on getting with, Mike also likes Bill and spends way too much time with him all the time and everyone knows, Ben loves Beverly and wants to finally confess too, Beverly just wants to have a memorable high school experience and still has a crush on Bill who she's in an on again off again relationship with but at the end of the day they're all still just losers.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eventual Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh - Relationship, Richie/Eddie's Mom, background bill denbrough/stanley uris, not really fhdjfaslh
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	1. EddiesNewHungStepdad Has Logged Into the Chat

** 🎈The Losers Club 🎈 **

_Richie **(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** has logged into the chat_

**(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** Sorry I was afk for so long lol eddie’s mom is finally giving me a break

_Bev **(lilolbeverly)** has logged into the chat._

**(lilolbeverly)** off to a great start

_Tygra **(ThunderasFinest89)** has logged into the chat_

**(ThunderasFinest89)** okay what the FUCK Richie?

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** what the fuck happened to your stupid ass street fighter username

 **(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** dude relax ur mom was begging me to make it official

 **(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** besides having a street fighter username was really fucking 10 y/o

 **(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** what would your mom think of me if she saw a shitty little baby username like that??

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Like fuck she was!! She nearly had an aneurysm when she saw me trying to make this account the first time!

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** She thought Stan was a pedophile from Kentucky

 **(EddiesNewHungStepdad)** dude I bet that’s only fucking bcuz Stan has the username of an old ass man

 **(lilolbeverly)** as if richie’s username isn’t the creepiest thing I’ve seen in this group chat yet

_Stan **(NoviceBirder)** has logged into the chat. _

**(NoviceBirder)** Yeah fuck off, Richie, you have no business shitting on me with a name like that

_Mike **(fuckderry)** has logged into the chat_

**(fuckderry)** Seriously Richie what the fuck

 **_(EddiesNewHungStepdad)_ ** _has changed their username to **(JoeMomma69)**_

 **(JoeMomma69)** There you fuckin prudes

 **(lilolbeverly)** so who’s going to the winter dance?

 **(lilolbeverly)** I figured we could all go together... like a giant group then leave early when it sucks

 **(JoeMomma69)** not me! no thanks! Paying money to get shoved into a toilet after awkwardly dancing with the girl in my PE class whose eyes move in different directions when she talks? I’ll pass!

 **(NoviceBirder)** Yeah, I’m not really looking forward to a night of being harassed by Henry and goons, thank you

 **(JoeMomma69)** maybe if we dress real pretty he’ll leave us alone and maybe even give me a bj out back that’s all I’ve ever wanted from a shitty little school dance anyway

 **(lilolbeverly)** seriously, none of you? thats such a bummer. it’s out last year in high school so I thought some of you might finally wanna go

 **(lilolbeverly)** before its too late

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Too late for what, exactly?

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Are you the reason my mom freaked out about this, recently?

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** She’s making me take my mouth-breathing neighbor because she doesn’t trust anyone else to “take care of me” or some bullshit

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Nevermind that she spent every year before this complaining about the structural integrity of Derry High’s gym and all the asbestos that definitely lives in the rafters

 **(NoviceBirder)** What the fuck, Eddie

_Bill **(CaptBBBill)** has logged into the chat_

**(CaptBBBill)** Nice going, Eddie

 **(JoeMomma69)** wait who the fuck is going cuz I did NOT plan on going to swirlies in my nicest shirt

 **(fuckderry)** nuh uh I don’t think so, I probably got work that day anyway

 **(lilolbeverly)** im normally not one to push for this kind of thing, but it’s our senior year and I’ve never been able to go to one of these. Have any of you?

 **(fuckderry)** hell no

 **(JoeMomma69)** fuck no

 **(JoeMomma69)** WAIT

 **(JoeMomma69)** EDDIE HAS A DATE? Dude

 **(JoeMomma69)** what the fuck

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Yeah, so what if I have a date, assface? If don’t go my mom will give me a hard time either way, so don’t bother coming because I sure as shit don’t want to see any of your ugly mugs while Britney Spears says “hit me baby one more time”

 **(JoeMomma69)** I fucking love when Eddie’s mom starts singing that song to me while we’re fucking in the gas station bathroom

 **(JoeMomma69)** Hit me! Fuck me! One more time, baby! Fuck!!

 **(fuckderry)** dude richie

 **(JoeMomma69)** fuck me richie!! Your dick is so huge!!

 **(JoeMomma69)** hit me baby one more time fuck!!

 **(lilolbeverly)** no woman talks like that Richie you know that right?

 **(JoeMomma69)** Eddies mom does and she’s sure as shit a woman all right

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** Shut the fuck up, Richie!!

 **(NoviceBirder)** Yeah I think you seriously crossed a line here, dude. Eddie’s obviously wouldn’t be dropping as many f-bombs

 **(CaptBBBill)** Guys, c’mon. Eddie’s mom aside, Bev’s right. I think we should at least try

Ben **(NewKidBen)** has logged into the chat

 **(NewKidBen)** yeah, i think it could be pretty fun. if it gets weird we could just... hang out somewhere else

 **(lilolbeverly)** i definitely won’t wanna stay long.

 **(fuckderry)** i don’t know about this one guys

 **(JoeMomma69)** is everyone seriously fucking considering this shit?? The hell guys!? We could be throwing rocks off the top of the bridge instead or some shit

 **(lilolbeverly)** no one has to go, but wouldn’t you regret not going someday? when you’re older?

 **(JoeMomma69)** fuck no

 **(CaptBBBill)** And miss the opportunity to take Eddie’s mom to dance? I think she’d actually want that more than anything

 **(NoviceBirder)** Yeah, maybe you can fuck her behind the bleachers and she’ll give you that blowjob you’ve always wanted

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** CAN YOU ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING MY MOM

 **(JoeMomma69)** guys, hate to say it but I’m siding with Eddie here

 **(JoeMomma69)** stop talking about my girlfriend like that, she’s real classy and yeah, she likes it from behind but can you blame her? I’m just that hung

 **(JoeMomma69)** here’s what she looks like hold on

 **(JoeMomma69)** (:~O oh!! Richie!! Oh fuck!!

 **(fuckderry)** really didn’t need to picture that

 **(NewKidBen)** Yeah I fucking hate this

 **(JoeMomma69)** jealous of my gf ben? I can do you too if you want it that bad, damn

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** LITERALLY FUCKING STOP

 **(NoviceBirder)** This is starting to get too R-Rated for Little Baby Eddie

_Tygra **(ThunderasFinest89)** has logged off._

**(NewKidBen)** Nice going, Richie

_Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged off._

**(CaptBBBill)** rolls eyes

 **(NoviceBirder)** They’ll be back

 **(lilolbeverly)** they always are

* * *

**Stan's Mom’s DMs 🦉 **

**(JoeMomma69)** STAN

 **(JoeMomma69)** i think i fucked up with Eddie man

 **(JoeMomma69)** what the fuck do I do??

 **(NoviceBirder)** You really put your foot into your mouth

 **(NoviceBirder)** You shoved your whole head in your ass

 **(JoeMomma69)** guess what stan

 **(JoeMomma69)** its ALWAYS fucking in there man!!!

 **(JoeMomma69)** EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE WHAT THE FUCK

 **(NoviceBirder)** *pretends to be shocked*

 **(JoeMomma69)** SHUT UP

 **(JoeMomma69)** what should i do yknow i don’t want eddie to like hate me and stuff

 **(JoeMomma69)** even though he really fucking should

(Novice Birder) If you actually shut up for five minutes and didn’t lose control of your trashmouth, I think we’d all be better off

 **(NoviceBirder)** Tbh I think he’ll be fine

 **(JoeMomma69)** I get it, shit on the trashmouth

 **(JoeMomma69)** dunk on trash mouth he doesn’t have any fucking feelings

 **(JoeMomma69)** he gets so much pussy from eddy’s mom he doesn’t have feelings

 **(JoeMomma69)** I have FEELINGS Stan I’m a man with a big dick yes

 **(JoeMomma69)** and feelings

 **(NoviceBirder)** You’re so annoying rn dude

 **(JoeMomma69)** it’s why women love me so much

 **(NoviceBirder)** Just go talk to him in person idk

 **(JoeMomma69)** I’m always annoying

 **(JoeMomma69)** do you even know me??

 **(NoviceBirder)** He usually gets over it

 **(JoeMomma69)** yeah good idea I might do that

 **(JoeMomma69)** You don’t think he’ll think it’s weird?

 **(NoviceBirder)** Oh he’s definitely going to flip you off and slam the door in your face

 **(NoviceBirder)** But then you’ll crack a joke or smth and hearts will appear like they do for chicks in the movies

 **(JoeMomma69)** sounds like him but I gotta fucking try

 **(JoeMomma69)** ew shut the fuck up that doesn’t fucking happen what the fuck are you trying to say

 **(NoviceBirder)** And he’ll turn to you and say, “Oh, Richie, I always knew your jokes about fucking my mother were actually about ME”

 **(JoeMomma69)** im just going to make sure his mom remembers how big my dick is

 **(JoeMomma69)** You shut the fuck up, Stan.

 **(NoviceBirder)** and then he’ll take a giant inhaler puff and you’ll make out or smth

 **(JoeMomma69)** Fuck you

Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged off

 **(NoviceBirder)** You’re overthinking it

 **(NoviceBirder)** Good luck

* * *

** 🎈The Losers Club 🎈 **

**(fuckderry)** wait bill, you actually wanna go to this dance?

 **(CaptBBBill)** Yeah. In this weird way, I want this to be the last experience we have in this shithole of a town before we all finally leave

 **(lilolbeverly)** amen to that

 **(fuckderry)** I mean fuck Derry but that’s why I don’t wanna go. There’s no one in this town I wanna see besides you guys, why go in the first place?

_Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged into the chat_

**(JoeMomma69)** I’m going offline fuckers and I’m not going to that stupid fucking dance not EVER you can’t fucking make me!

_Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged out_

** Eddie’s Mom’s DMs **

**(JoeMomma69)** Eddie you’re not seriously that fucking mad are you??

 **(ThunderasFinest89)** is Away

 **(JoeMomma69)** and you’re not actually fucking going to that shitty fucking dance, right??

 **(JoeMomma69)** EDDIE

 **(JoeMomma69)** i just remembered I left something in your mom’s bathroom

 **(JoeMomma69)** so I’m headed over to make sure it’s not covered in crabs

 **(JoeMomma69)** SEE YA IN 5

Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged out.

* * *

The tinny beep of a digital watch alarm can be heard from within the back room. It’s quickly shut off and followed by a groan of annoyance as Eddie pushes himself away from the keyboard.

There’s a muffled shout from the couch, “Eddie, sweetie—“

“I know, Ma, I know!” He sounds tired as he reaches into the ever present pouch on his waist, dry swallowing this hour’s medication with practiced ease.

Richie’s standing on Eddie’s doorstep after having a dramatic fall on his bike on his way to Eddie’s place. He was feeling sorry for himself but mostly because his knee was bleeding and Eddie was definitely going to slam the door in his stupid wounded face. He wipes his nose and knocks on the door again, rain beginning to fall onto his dark curls.

“Eddie, can you get the door?” His mother’s voice calls out again as he’s passing through hall to do exactly that.

He swings open the door and sees red— Richie’s scraped knee, his bloody nose, his wet lips—his brows furrow, lip curling into a disgusted snarl, as he buries his pity and the seed of something fluttering uncomfortably.

“Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s me. Can I come in? Your mom’s expecting me,” Richie blurts out without a second thought, knowing Eddie’s just going to slam the door in his face and he’s going to fucking deserve it.

“Fuck off, dickhead,” He stomps his foot and slams the door with a thud. He waits, staring unblinking at the wood grain of his door counting the seconds intently. He sighs before slowly reopening the door, waving his middle finger out at Richie between the door frame.

“God, shut the hell up. You’re lucky I care more about stopping the infection you could get from leaving your wounds open in this rain than how much you think you bone my mom.“

The slam of the door was so expected, but hurt more than he’d ever admit to anyone but Stan at 3 AM out of earshot of anyone else. He sniffles and wipes the stupid blood from his stupid nose, mumbling, “Fuck me...” when the door opens up, light pouring in from inside behind the ever immaculate Eddie. “The infection from the rain? Are you f-fuckin’ serious?” Richie’s dejected expression is quickly hidden, becoming a faux smug grin. “You sure you don’t care about me just a little despite how often I bone your mom?”

“Uh, rain is evaporated water?? From the environment?” Eddie cocks his hip, looking at Richie like he’s the stupidest human alive. “Haven’t you read all of the studies about the water around Derry being polluted to shit hell and back because of the Industrial Plant next to the quarry?”

He opens the door wider and steps back with a gesture for Richie to follow him inside. “I’m fucking Rambo to germs and infections. Come sit on my bed and I’ll take care of everything before it gets any worse.”

Richie feels like the stupidest boy alive and the luckiest boy alive to be standing in the presence of that cocked hip. “What? Uh, yeah sure if I wasn’t so busy fucking your mother, lemme fucking in already, I’m cold as shit!” What was he even saying? Oh well, it didn’t matter, Eddie was the sun.

“S-sit on your bed?” Richie chokes on his own saliva or maybe it’s blood from his nose, either way he’s choking. “I think I’m dyin, Eds,” he reaches for him dramatically, fake choking now but feeling so desperate for Eddie’s touch, he doesn’t care how he gets it.

His brain has only just caught up to his mouth, and he looks terrified as he realizes what he’s just done. Richie doesn’t give him time to freak out though, dramatically flailing for him. He catches the other boy with his elbow and a wail of panic, “Augh— watch it! You’re gonna get blood on my clean shirt!!”

Richie looks up at him, genuine grin on his face this time, blood slightly pooled right below his nose. He sniffs it back into his nostril, making a face at the taste that’s now dripping in the back of his throat and catches Eddie’s gaze in a way that seems to freeze him in place. “You still wanna patch me up after everything, doc? I really wouldn’t blame ya if ya sent me packing after...” he seems to trail off, genuinely shameful for their last interaction. Not for his words exactly but because Eddie felt compelled to leave, not looking inclined to move and disturb this moment in the slightest.

Eddie is close enough to taste the metal of Richie’s snort, and where normally the thought would make him gag, there’s something oddly charming about the way Richie does it. Like most things that Richie does, Eddie is oddly captivated, and his eyes linger on Richie a little longer than they should.

He slumps as an unknown tension releases from his shoulders, grateful that Richie is letting him have this.

“Yeah dickwad, because if I don’t, you won’t even bother disinfecting it, and you’ll get an infection so bad they’ll have to chop your leg off!” He pulls them through the door, leading him down the hall to his room and points to the bed. “Sit. I’ll be right back.”

“Aren’t I gonna, y’know, infect your bed if I sit on it?” Richie lets go and tries not to look like he’s approaching the bed like it’s some kind of forbidden artifact he’s been searching for, like King Tut’s sarcophagus, but here he was in Eddie’s room being invited to sit on his bed. “Yknow, if I don’t end up getting an infection I can stay and we can make out a little, right here if you want.” He pops on the bed and pats it, a sad laugh escaping him after his word vomit gets everywhere.

“Wait wait, augh, let—let me get a trash bag or something for you to sit on—“ Eddie’s panic bursts out of him too late to stop Richie as he plops onto the bed. His mind is catastrophizing at the rate he imagines Richie’s germs multiplying, racing each other to cover his sheets. His ears are ringing, “I-I gotta go—I-I need to get all of the first aid supplies and disinfectant!!”

Without thinking, Richie reaches over and grabs him by the wrist. “Eds, germs don’t work like that, c’mon. You’re way too fucking smart to be scared of some cuts and bruises like that, right? Patch me on up, doc, I’m bleedin’ out here.” He offers a smile he can’t help, wishing he could fucking suppress it.

Richie’s touch is grounding; he takes a deep breath and finds that his chest has suddenly stopped tightening. He turns to Richie, mouth tilted in a crooked grin, “Shut up. You’re not bleeding that badly, moron.”  
Richie pretends to choke, leaning into the bit more than he intended to. “I think I’m actually dyin’ out here, Eds...! Bleh!” He puts a hand to his forehead and pretends to be swooning, “My final words.... Eddie’s mom’s loose vagina..!”” He jokingly gasps for breath. He can’t help but find himself dwelling on the fact that Eddie never said no. He never said not to his making out comment. He never acted disgusted or said no. What the fuck did that mean??

Eddie can’t stop thinking about Richie’s words or what his reaction means either. Was this just another Richie problem, like it always was? The moment shatters as Eddie shakes his head with a disgusted groan, and pulls away, “Ugh, enough, cut that shit out man. If I had hydrogen peroxide right now, I’d be pouring it all over your fucking knees.”

“You love it and you know it, just like your mom!” He can’t help but continue to word vomit all over himself, finally letting go of Eddie’s wrist and rubbing his nose. “You didn’t even ask why the fuck I’m here. Don’t...don’t you wanna know why?”

Eddie’s scowl grows deeper, “You mean you didn’t just totally eat shit on the pavement and turn to the only person you know with a surgical grade first aid kit?” He rolls his and shifts his weight between his feet, “Oh, Great Wise Richie, please tell me why else you’ve graced me with your presence?” He’s not stupid; he knows what Richie is here for but there’s a mean part of him that wants to punish Richie for not just saying it.

“Wait you think THAT’S the only reason I’m here?? What kind of dickfart piece of shit do you take me for, Eds?? Hell no!” He sits back on his bed, laying on his back and looking up at Eddie. “.....Are you... actually going to that stupid fucking dance?” He looks away, avoiding Eddie’s eyes this time.

Eddie scoffs dramatically, “Oh my god— are you serious? I told you, I’m going with the neighbor who’s basically my sister because... well I feel a little bad for her. And my mom will give me a fucking earful if I don’t take her— I’ll just be stuck next to her watching Roseanne reruns until my dad comes home.”

He chews his lip in thought, “... I’m gonna be bored out of my fucking mind if you guys don’t go.” He stares Richie down as he says it.

“Bill and Bev are thinking about going already,” Richie pushes back, staring right back at him. “Seems like a couples thing, dunno why I would go.” He sits up and covered his elbow, “shit, I think I got some blood on your bed.”

“Just like your mom when I took her virginity,” he adds quietly, covering his mouth, impressed with himself.

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I need you to— ugh STOP DUDE SERIOUSLY,” he reaches out, shoving Richie away by the shoulder. “You’re being so gross right now, in so many ways.”  
“W-what do you mean so many ways, man? Like the germs and shit? I was serious about the making out thing!”

Eddie backs away with a yelp, “W-What? I meant your blood on my sheets and talking about my mom’s... y’know!! I was just going to keep ignoring that, why are you bringing it up again!?”

Shit. Why, why, why does he keep putting himself in dumb situations like this?? Why don’t you have a fucking filter??? RICHIE??? “A-aren’t you supposed to be patching me up?? I’m gonna fucking bleed out all over your bed and I’m pretty sure that’s kinda fucking unsanitary, right??”

Grateful that Richie provided an out from the make-out conversation, he stumbles forward, with a shaky, “Y-Yeah, stop treating my bed like you’re a girl on her period, fuckface.” There’s another tight feeling in his chest, almost like he can’t breathe. He wishes he had his inhaler right now.

“I’m not fucking trying to!!!” Richie rubs his hands down his face, “Fuck! Eds!!! I just!!!! Never wanna make you feel bad okay?? I don’t want you to leave the group chat because of some stupid shit I said! That would be the fucking WORST, okay??”

Eddie’s eyes widen almost comically and he sways back and forth, like he’d been waiting for the fatal blow of Richie’s apology. He blinks and out comes, “Whoa, uh... did you just... apologize to me...? Can you pinch me? This has to be a dream.”

“No, I didn’t fucking apologize I was just telling you why I even bothered fucking coming, asshole!” He gets up off the bed, “Fine, fuck you, I’m leaving and I’m not going to some shitty dance to watch you drool all over your neighbor with a fucking lazy eye!”

He shakes his head, frustrated, “I’m not gonna leave the group chat your shitty jokes, but I will flip you off and fuck off for a bit when it gets too annoying to hear all the time. You’ve been doing this since we were 12, it’s not like I’m not used it.”

Eddie watches Richie slide off his bed with a frown, “Dude— I’m not— what’s your problem right now?”

  
“Right now?? You’re just noticing RIGHT NOW?? I don’t know! I’m always this fucked up, all the time! Doesn’t it fucking suck? Imagine what it’s like to be such a shitty unlikeable loser like me all the goddamn time, asswipe!” Richie laughs at himself, feeling like a total idiot and wishing for the love of god he’d stop word vomiting all over Eddie’s face that’s painted with disbelief and pity. “On top of it all, I’m just disgusting I’m just a gross, shitty friend who says the grossest shit sometimes /and means it/ like would I fuck your mom? Fuck no! Would I make out with you on your bed? Abso-fucking-lutely! Should I probably fucking go now and shut and pretend like this never happened? You bet your fucking ass, I should! But will I? Who knows??? I’m such a PIECE OF SHIT I can’t even shut up when I should have five fucking minutes ago! Bye, Eds, if you never wanna see me again, I super fucking understand! Enjoy your happy little fucking life with your happy little fucking neighbor!”

Every second Richie’s word vomit continues, Eddie feels his stomach clench and bile rise in his throat. He feels sick, nauseated by the thought of Richie never speaking to him again over something as stupid as a school dance his mom is forcing him to go to.

He scoffs, and looking into Richie’s wide-eyed face only makes him angrier, “What the FUCK are you talking about, dude? Are you even listening to a word I said?! I’m not going to this dance because I want my neighbor to get my fucking dick wet!” His voice is turning as shrill as it was when they were kids.

“Yeah?? Well maybe you should go with someone you actually want to fucking go with, numb nu—“ actual vomit is rising in Richie’s throat, he quickly covers his mouth and runs to Eddie’s bathroom, vomiting loudly into it and further cementing his fate of being the most embarrassing human alive.

“Eddie? Is everything okay, honey?” His mom’s worried voice floats from the living room as he races into the hall to follow Richie.

“Y-yeah, Ma! Everything’s f-fine.” Jesus he was sounding like Bill, get it together! “Richie ate too many gummy worms before biking over here.”

His mom clicks her tongue disapprovingly and mumbles a response that Eddie doesn’t bother to listen to, instead pushing open the bathroom door with an ear-splitting screech.

He knees shake as he stands in the doorway, nervous about addressing the elephant in the room. “... Richie?”

Richie pukes again just hearing the sentiment in Eddie’s voice, it was so unfair. He groans into the porcelain bowl, slumped over it feeling like a bigger loser than the time he got shoved into a trash can in the boys locker room.

“....I don’t.... even fucking l-like gummy worms,” he grumbles like that’s the biggest problem in his life at the moment.

Eddie feels a little bad for him, but just like all of Richie’s shitty jokes, the tension between them melts away and gives Eddie the courage to walk closer.

“Tell me something I don’t know, dumbass. Besides, even if I AM taking my neighbor, I’m just...” the words feel thick on his tongue, like they’re stuck. “I’m just going to be thinking about how much more fun I’d be having with you.”

Richie looks back over his shoulder, eyes tearing up only due to puking his guts out moments before. “With... me?” Not the other losers. With him. Even after he made him so mad he logged off, even after he puked his fucking brains out right in front of him despite him being the biggest fucking germaphobe this side of the fucking solar system.

He can’t help but laugh, echoing in the porcelain bowl of Richie’s toilet, as he wipes his mouth and stands up. “I’m... fucking disgusting!” He proclaims like it’s an obvious fact, “why?? Why the fuck would you want to go with trashmouth??”

Eddie grimaces as he takes in the sight of Richie, face dripping with tears, blood, and vomit. He can’t lie—the sight of Richie is disgusting right now, and he can feel himself swallowing a gag when Richie stands up.

He starts babbling to distract from the uneasy fluttering of his heart, “Oh god, I mean, no shit you’re disgusting right now, how could you even ask something like that when you just puked for like five minutes?”

He starts pacing, waving a hand at Richie angrily, “You can’t make me answer this right now, who else would I rather go with to a dance, fucking Stan?

If Richie had to look at himself right now, even he would gag. He self consciously fixes his curls, rubbing his mouth to clean the puke off, only to find he’s still scraped up like an idiot. “Well how the fuck was I supposed to know you were going to go and— and!!!”

Richie turns around, holding up a finger for Eddie to wait for a moment as he flushes his mouth out, wiping the blood from the scrapes on his face. He stares at himself for a moment, grabbing onto the sink to ground himself and... taking the time to fix one of his more unruly curls. He takes a deep breath and turns back around, dropping the toilet lid over his puke and clearing his throat while leaning against the sink in the most casual way possible despite literally everything about this stupid fucking situation he’s put himself in.

“So you... you really d-“he clears his throat, covering his mouth with his fist for a second, pretending he’s not swallowing more bile rising up in his throat. “You uh.... you really..... what the fuck?”

He clears his throat ONE LAST FUCKING TIME AND JUST SAYS IT: “so uh.... pick up you and your mom at 7?” Finger guns. That’s how you seal a deal, baybee.

Eddie watches Richie clean himself up with mild annoyance. He rolls his eyes and rests his hand on his hip, barely stopping himself from tapping his foot as Richie splashed water on his face. He’s glad he’s angry; he’s not sure what he would do if Richie brought up making out again. He’s getting hives just thinking about it.

Richie starts talking and it doesn’t get better: his stomach rolls with every pause, anxiety spiking. Fuck Richie for doing this to him.

Every time Richie stops talking, Eddie imagines firing bolts of lightning at Richie like the Sword of Omens, and his anxiety lessens a bit more.

Then Richie fires finger guns at him and flashes him shit-eating grin, and he sees red. Instead of laughing, Eddie forces a smile onto his face and flips Richie off, “Dunno, maybe you should go into the living and ask her yourself when you walk through the front door of my house!

Richie stays frozen in place, “While we’re making out orrrr?”

“After your little accident all over my toilet? Fuck off, Tozier, I’m not putting my lips anywhere near your puke mouth.”

“Damn, no wonder I am just swimming in pussy,” Richie laments out loud.

“Just shut up—“ his response is cut off by his mom’s voice calling from the kitchen.

“Eddie! It’s almost dinner time! Don’t forget, you need to eat at six pm sharp to so you can take your medicine. Can you come help Mommy make dinner?”

“I can come back later.... I-if that’s.... after I...” He’s quieter than he wants to be.

“I-I—uhh....” It’s Eddie’s turn to stutter now that the heat of the argument has deflated.

“Eddie-bear! It’s time to say goodbye to Richie, his mother is probably has dinner already waiting for him!”

“I’ll... see you later.”

“Midnight?” Richie’s halfway out of the door by now, his cheeks a nice shade of red.

“... Yeah. I’ll... message you later.

“Y-yeah... s-see ya.” He laughs awkwardly and heads out, cheekily saying goodbye to Eddie’s mom on the way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah this is a self indulgent fix it chat fic for IT and IT Chapter 2 where we get to see Richie and Eddie explore their sexuality without a killer clown getting in the way, also the losers get to just be FRIENDS and be HAPPY dealing with typical coming of age angst! This is a self indulgent WIP but if you want to see more of something let us know in the comments!


	2. No Nut November: the Aftermath

** 🎈The Losers Club 🎈 **

**(CaptBBBill)** I dunno, I think it’ll be real nice getting all dressed up like that

 **(CaptBBBill)** I think I could look good in a suit

 **(NoviceBirder)** Suits are uncomfortable as shit. Haven’t worn one since my bar mitzvah, I don’t plan on wearing one again

 **(NewKidBen)** Why are you all being so dramatic about this?

 **(NewKidBen)** We go for an hour and then throw rocks into at all the couples who are making out by the fairgrounds

 **(CaptBBBill)** Sounds like fun for everyone, then

 **(lilolbeverly)** getting all cleaned up for the final school dance? sounds like a challenge the losers i know wouldn’t be afraid of taking on. Doesn’t even sound that hard to me

 **(fuckderry)** seriously guys??

 **(CaptBBBill)** Seriously, Mike. When we leave we can even give everyone the middle finger salute

 **(NoviceBirder)** Oh boy, Bowers will LOVE that

 **(NoviceBirder)** You aren’t going to give this up are you, Bill

 **(NoviceBirder)** I’m going to hear about this until the dance and then when Bowers buries you, I’ll be haunted by it too

 **(CaptBBBill)** Wait, what the fuck, Stan

 **(NoviceBirder)** Idk man, just sucks that we always have to go with what you want to do

 **(NoviceBirder)** You don’t bother to ask any of us what we actually want to do

 **(NoviceBirder)** And when we do tell you what we want, you pressure us until we do want YOU want

 **(CaptBBBill)** …

 **(CaptBBBill)** … Is that how you really feel, Stan?

 **(NoviceBirder)** No, I’m being dramatic.

 **(NoviceBirder)** Just ignore me!

 **(CaptBBBill)** I… I want this to be different. I know I’ve been saying that we should all go because it’s our last chance

 **(CaptBBBill)** But outside of sharing my two cents on it, I’ll stop trying to force you to come

 **(fuckderry)** id rather face fucking Bowers than go to a fucking school dance anyway

 **(lilolbeverly)** no one has to go, I really hate these things too, believe me

 **(lilolbeverly)** I just feel like if I go with you guys

 **(lilolbeverly)** for the first and last time

 **(lilolbeverly)** it might not be so bad

 **(lilolbeverly)** I can look at those girls and say yeah I’m a fucking loser but I’ve never once felt like one since meeting them

_Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged into the chat_

**(JoeMomma69)** ok fuck it im going

 **(JoeMomma69)** but I’m going because I asked Eddie’s mom to come with me and she said YES

 **(NoviceBirder)** what the FUCK

 **(NoviceBirder)** I don’t believe it

 **(CaptBBBill)** It worked...? Wow

 **(CaptBBBill)** Welp, that’s 5/7 now. Stan? Mike? Are you two coming?

 **(fuckderry)** I don’t know man

 **(fuckderry)** you really think it’s a good idea, Bill?

 **(JoeMomma69)** Stan ur coming just accept it

 **(NoviceBirder)** Fuck off

 **(JoeMomma69)** and mike will come if bill says so

 **(fuckderry)** hey fuck you I never said I was going

 **(JoeMomma69)** I’m fucking busy tonight I don’t have time for this shit

_Richie **(JoeMomma69)** has logged out._

**(fuckderry)** oh right it’s December i bet he’s gotta make up for lost time

 **(fuckderry)** No Nut November must be rough for people like Richie

 **(lilolbeverly)** see you boys at the dance

 **(NoviceBirder)** He was so annoying last month, maybe finally we’ll have some PEACE

 **(lilolbeverly)** Come by the diner for some coffee this week, it’s on the house

 **(lilolbeverly)** it ain’t much but it’s somethin’

 **(fuckderry)** I still never said I was coming but I gotta go too

 **(fuckderry)** night shift

 **(fuckderry)** see ya

 **(CaptBBBill)** I’ve got a chem test I should study for, so see you after my shift at Dan’s tomorrow

 **(fuckderry)** see ya capn

 **(CaptBBBill)** See ya, Mike! Tell Mary I said hello

_Mike **(fuckderry)** has logged off._

**(lilolbeverly)** im leaving too, come by during my shift to keep me company. I get so damn bored

 **(NewKidBen)** what an eventful chat this has been

 **(lilolbeverly)** Yeah, I learned way too much about what Richie’s December looks like

 **(NewKidBen)** ugh, me too. I’m gonna need some more brain bleach man

 **(lilolbeverly)** lol I hear the diner’s coffee tastes about that good from customers

 **(lilolbeverly)** see ya losers

 **(NoviceBirder)** We collectively spend too much time thinking about Richie’s dick

 **(NoviceBirder)** it’s a curse

_Bev **(lilolbeverly)** has logged off._

**(NoviceBirder)** later Bev

 **(NoviceBirder)** Hey Ben?

 **(NewKidBen)**...? Yeah?

 **(NoviceBirder)** You should ask that question you’ve always wanted to, before it’s too late

 **(NewKidBen)**???????

 **(NoviceBirder)** See ya tomorrow at lunch

 **(NoviceBirder)** Good luck :)

_Stan **(NoviceBirder)** has logged off._

**(NewKidBen)** ….. Thanks man

_Ben **(NewKidBen)** has logged off._

* * *

** Stan's Mom’s DMs 🦉 **

**(JoeMomma69)** DUDE

 **(JoeMomma69)** I don’t know how but

 **(JoeMomma69)** you’ll never guess what the fuck I’m fucking doing at fucking midnight holy shit

 **(JoeMomma69)** CAN I COME OVER

 **(JoeMomma69)** I have

 **(JoeMomma69)** so fucking much

 **(JoeMomma69)** to fucking tell you

 **(JoeMomma69)** holy shit holy shit

 **(JoeMomma69)** STAN

 **(JoeMomma69)** dude where the fuck are you??

 **(NoviceBirder)** I was in the bathroom, what happened

 **(JoeMomma69)** if you’re jacking off stop I have way more important shit to tell you about

 **(JoeMomma69)** you were totally jacking it wow

 **(NoviceBirder)** Shut up

 **(JoeMomma69)** HOLY SHIT YOU WERE

 **(JoeMomma69)** DUDE PUT YOUR DICK AWAY

 **(JoeMomma69)** IM COMING OVER

 **(NoviceBirder)** My dick is put away

 **(NoviceBirder)** BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER OUT TO BEGIN WITH

_Richie **(JoeMama69)** has logged off._

Immediately after Stan has sent that message, he hears a panicked pounding on his front door.

“It’s Richie, Ma—I got it.”

“Stan!! Stan open the fuck up holy shit pinch me I must be fucking dreaming!!!”

Pound pound pound!

“Richie!” The door swings open to Stan’s scowling face. “What the hell has you so worked up you’re banging a hole in my front door?”

Richie claps his hands over Stan’s cheeks, “I’m gonna make out with Eddie!”

“Hah okay, and Ben’s gonna take Bev to the dance, get your hands off of me, you fucking liar,” Stan glares with a hiss as he leads he other upstairs as fast as he can.

“Dude, I’m serious as your fuckin’ mom when she’s on her period. I swear to fucking god, don’t you wanna know how I swung this shit?”

Stan plops into the chair in front of the computer, backlit by the bird wallpaper on his screen. “Bullshit you did. There’s literally no way you convinced Eddie to make out with you after nonstop talking about fucking his mom. It’s just impossible.”

“Dude your background is so fucking lame, do you really like birds that fucking much?” Richie jumps onto his bed, “Right, so Eddie?? Wants to fucking??? Make out with me?? At midnight in his fucking room and I’m?? ACTUALLY GOING THE FUCK OVER TO HIS HOUSE TO DO IT! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD DUDE! I SWEAR ON EDDIE’S MOM’S LOOSE VAGINA IT’S TRUE!”

“Leave my cerulean warblers alone, dickface,” Stan rolls his eyes. “Okay, let’s pretend I actually believe you. How the fuck did you convince Eddie of all people make out with you? At his house? While his mom was there?”

“That’s the most unbelievable part!” He looks dumbfounded, “I have no fucking clue, dude! He was just into it! I, you know, said something he musta liked I guess and then I said like haha so wanna make out? And he was like uh... and then I was like midnight? And he was like “Yeah I’ll text you later” and he wants ME to take him to the fucking DANCE, so now I HAVE to go!! AND!! I get to fucking make out with him what the!!! Fuck???” He pulls at his cheeks, “Holy shit, what do I wear? Should I shower? I just puked all over myself, what the fuck should I wear? Ah shit I think there’s a hole in these pants. God, I’m so fucking disgusting dude... I need to shower so bad, I seriously reek! Should I wear socks or should I wear slip on shoes in case we, you know, take it a step further. Do you think Eddie prefers socks on or socks off? Can you fucking help me instead of just sitting there???”

“Holy shit you’re actually telling the truth.” Stan lets out a laugh of disbelief, “Well congrats Tozier, I never thought you’d actually beat me in making the first move. Dude!” He reaches out and slaps his palms against Richie’s cheeks as if trying to snap him from a trance. “Take a deep breath and just relax. One step at a time, if you fuck up tonight, you won’t make it to the dance.”

Richie snaps out of it and stares Stan right in the eyes, “Don’t think I’ve fucking forgotten, dude, when are you talking to Bill??”

“Ugh, can we not—talk about that right now?” Stan shoves him away with a huff. “He spent that whole group chat being excited about going with Bev. At least Eddie was angry about going with his creepy-ass neighbor.”

“Dude you don’t know that! If I’m being completely fucking honest, I don’t think Bill thinks about anything besides, yknow, his tragic backstory and shit. I really don’t think he’s even thought about being actually in love or whatever. Besides!! Ben has a thing for Bev, too, so!! Team up or some shit! I dunno! I’m not a loser like you, I have a chance so help me the fuck out before I puke all over him again!”

“I know it’s really hard for you but can you not be an asshole for five minutes? Bill is... troubled. Also the only way you wouldn’t puke on Eddie tonight is if you suddenly decide your name isn’t ‘Richie Tozier’ and you become a new person. You already got him to say yes right? So all you gotta do tonight is kiss him and never bring up his mom while you’re doing it.”

“Yeah, no fucking kidding,” Richie folds his arms in thought. “So I shouldn’t be funny? At all? Just serious no jokes no humor no nothing?? That seems boring as shit, dude. I have literally nothing going for me besides my bomb ass jokes, how the hell am I gonna make him fall for me if I can’t even tell a fucking joke? Have you SEEN me??”

“Yes, I’ve seen you, and no I don’t understand what Eddie sees in you, except that whatever it is, it’s the reason I want to be your friend, too.” Stan leans back into the chair with a groan, legs crossed at his ankles, “All I’m saying is, I dunno, tell better jokes? Eddie’s mom’s vagina isn’t a good joke normally, but before making out with Eddie? Worse than No Nut November.“

“No nut November is like my third funniest joke but fine!! Damn!! I mean, I know you’re not wrong, I just don’t know what else to fucking say. Do I just act like a badass and shove him against the wall like, “Eddie. I’m gonna make you my uh... shit not like your mom, I’m gonna. Shit.” Shit, Stan, I dunno!!! I dunno what the hell any of you see in a piece of shit like me! I should just go and try to sound as little like me as possible, right? Right! Thanks, man, I’ll tell you how it goes, okay? I gotta go freshen up, I only have like 6 hours!”

Stan groans into his hands, “Do whatever you want just don’t make jokes about his mom. Then everything will happen like I said it would earlier. Eddie taking two big puffs of his inhaler for luck and then you make out and, if you’re lucky, dry hump a little.”

“Shit yeah! Thanks, Stan! Hope you get the balls to ask Bill to the dance, assface! See ya!” He rushes out the door and heads home, picturing a flushed Eddie beneath him and trying to hide his pants as he runs.

* * *

Richie has been waiting in the tree by Eddie’s place since 10pm, checking the time periodically through the window out of fear of being late. He knows Eddie said he’d message him but he really wanted to be early on the off chance that Eddie would, I dunno, notice him and let him in so they could get started early? He couldn’t handle the anxiety of waiting around at home so whatever.

Richie Tozier was climbing into Eddie’s windowsill at midnight, hair completely washed and styled for once, freshly showered and in his nicest non-puked on ever shirt, and for the record, Richie did decide to wear socks and shoes. Casual made more sense.

He knocks a few times on the window, his heart pounding in his chest so hard he’s afraid it might just stop working, a loud gulp escaping him as he lightly taps the window one more time.

Eddie, who had been sent to bed by his mother at 9, like always, spent the last hour with his ear pressed to the door, intently listening for the sounds of his mother’s nightly routine and the low rumble and static of the TV turning on in her room.

It took everything in his power to stop himself from going to bed earlier than that, because he knew it would land him in the urgent care the following morning.

The sound of knocking against the window nearly makes him shit his pants, and he clutches his chest as he turns towards the sound and sees Richie’s face peering back from the tree. He bites down on his lip to keep from screaming.

Eddie pushes open the window with a huff, “You nearly scared the shit out of me, asswipe. G-get inside before you let all the cold air in.”

Richie nearly trips on his way in, climbing in with pink cheeks and a pink nose, clearly cold from sitting around outside for fucking ever but would never tell Eddie that. He wants to retort, ‘You’re the one who fucking invited me over, asswipe,’ but instead he finds himself just...staring at Eddie.

Eddie invited him here to.... to actually.... he wanted to.... Richie clears his throat quietly and uh.... swallows really loudly, closing the window behind him a little too loudly, wincing and closing it all the way more quietly. He stands in front of Eddie, clean shaven and looking like he tried way too fucking hard.

God. Eddie was way too fucking cute the way he huffed and got pissy about every little fucking thing. What the fuck was wrong with him?

He... wraps his arms around Eddie clumsily and sounds like he wants to vomit, but manages, “N-not too cold now. I- is it?”

Every sound Richie makes leaves Eddie more and more scared, both about what they’re about to do and the idea of his mom finding them in the middle of it. He shivers and finds himself wrapped in Richie’s arms, blushing and stiffening like a corpse. Is Richie wearing... cologne?

“What the fuck, dude?” He says with a nervous laugh. “Who are you right now?”

Richie sees the fear in Eddie’s eyes and gulps, too. He has to be brave, Eddie.... Eddie wants this, too.

“I know anyone else would be better but unfortunately it’s just me, Richie Tozier,” he awkwardly pulls him in a little closer, the cologne overwhelming him even. Stan advised against it, saying Eddie would claim to get hives to get out of it but Richie did it anyway, fuck it.

“Still just me,” he responds more softly than he knew he could speak, his heart pounding so loud he swears Eddie can hear it at this distance. Okay, Richie, nows your chance. Kiss him.

Richie stares at Eddie for a moment and lifts up his glasses slowly, Eddie becoming blurrier before Richie blinks him back into view. “You’re not gonna hate me if I keep goin’? I don’t know what I’d do if you hated my fucking guts, Eds but uh...” he gulps loudly and shifts uncomfortably. “Iwannadothis.”

Richie’s eyes seem so owlish behind his glasses, that when he removes them, the difference takes Eddie by surprise. This close, Eddie wonders how he’s never noticed how before. It feels like if he says anything, his heart will burst through his chest and smother him.

Is that his own heartbeat he hears or Richie’s? The longer he stares up at Richie—Jesus when did Trashmouth get taller than him?— the more the world around him starts to feel like it’s spinning. He starts to reach out blindly for his inhaler.

“I-I can’t—“ he says through a gasp, fists turning white with how tightly he’s clenching them.

Richie fumbles to put his glasses back on and takes his hands in his, “W-whoa, Eddie don’t freak out!” He sounds really genuinely concerned, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do, not fucking ever!!”

Richie looks devastated but is pushing words through the fallen look on his face like everything is normal and he’s completely unaffected by Eddie’s reaction to the thought of kissing him. “Eddie, I swear to fucking god you don’t actually need that thing, seriously man, relax!” He also tries to find it despite his words, grabbing for it blindly in the dark.

“It’s—not—that—“ Eddie manages to squeak out as his fingers close around his inhaler. He immediately pushes it into his mouth with a hiss and a full body slump of relief. He tightens his free hand around Richie’s and tugs him closer, voice hoarse when he says, “S’fucked up but I just— needed to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

Richie blinks way too hard, hears himself blink, and blinks again. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Who... who the fuck has a psychosomatic asthma attack because they need to.... the fuck, man?” He laughs nervously until he’s pulled in, eyes widening.

“E-Eds?” He gulps again, the mood getting tense again just as he was starting to feel like himself. “That was.... really fucking gay, man.” He can’t help but smile, “Like, really fucking gay...” He... puts a hand on the back of Eddie’s neck awkwardly and raises his glasses again with a gulp. “Could be m-my dream you know.... though I guess your mom isn’t here so I can’t be sure.” He couldn’t FUCKING HELP IT, EDDIE SET HIM UP!!!

Richie’s hand against his neck leaves butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He swallows, still in disbelief that Richie is standing here, so close to him. Watching him push away his glasses is really endearing.

“I guess your mom isn’t here, so I can’t be sure.”

Eddie’s lost count of the moments broken by his mom.

“Shut up,” Eddie whines, his nose brushing against Richie’s cheek as he turns with a groan of disappointment. He taps his fist against Richie’s stomach, like a cat batting its paw, but too tired to be angry as he laughs. “I can’t _believe_ I actually thought you’d be able to stop yourself from mentioning her.”

Richie’s fingers brush Eddie’s neck affectionately, shyly smiling down at Eddie. “How do you not fucking hate my guts by now?” Richie’s staring down at Eddie now, eyes doing their best to inspect him up this close without glasses like it’s the first time he’s seeing him. So close. Gulp.

“So it’s midnight, I’m in fucking Eddie Kaspbrak’s room, and no one would ever fucking believe why. Eds....” his fingers brush his neck again, pulling him in a little more. “I’m not actually here to joke about your mom... you know.”

“No one, including Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak, believe that is happening to be honest,” Eddie says, gaze dropping to Richie’s lips, upturned in a smile.

_Don’t be a coward, Kaspbrak!_

He’d thrown rocks straight at Bowers’ head; he couldn’t let something a world-altering as _kissing Richie_ stop him now. Eddie takes a deep breath and leans forward, pressing their lips together.

Richie gasps into the kiss, closing his eyes and immediately being way too forward. He runs his hand up the back of Eddie’s head, opening his mouth with a sigh and presses his tongue into Eddie’s mouth way too soon.

Eddie tastes like toothpaste, home, and everything Richie could ever imagine. He cups Eddie’s chin with his other hand and tilts him in closer, making the kiss way too sloppy and intense with his inexperience, but this was something he’d been wanting for so long holding back was not a fucking option.

Eddie parts his lips with a sigh, letting Richie lead their kiss without really understanding what he was supposed to be doing in response. All he knows is that whatever Richie is doing with his tongue feels nice and it’s making his skin hot all over. As Richie tilts his chin to pull him closer, Eddie can’t help but shyly match what Richie is doing, messy and uncertain, struggling to keep up with his pace.  
What the actual fuck, Richie did not expect to be making out with Eddie right now. All he can think about is getting Eddie on his bed and kissing him even more, holy shit.

Richie keeps kissing him as if he were trying to steal his breath, tongue mashing against Eddie’s as he finally pulls away for breath, gasping with really pink cheeks. “C-can we... your bed?”

“W-what?” The high of kissing Richie feels like it’s been ripped away from him before he could get enough. Eddie stares, lips puckered and cheeks pink. He glances between their spot and the bed with a new level of annoyance he never thought was possible around Richie.

Eddie very calmly and quietly bolts across the room, pulling Richie behind him, and definitely does not trip on his shoes and fall onto the edge of his bed. “Oops.”

The look on Eddie’s face will be seared into Richie’s mind forever. He looks dumbfounded as he’s pulled to the edge of Eddie’s bed, watching him fall onto the edge, the look on his face when he says, “oops” something that could kill a man. Ah, there it was. Lionel Richie (Richie’s dick’s name) is ready to go, his stupid pants already bunching when he awkwardly jumps after Eddie like one of those kids from the stories your mom always told you to never jump off a cliff after.

He’d jumped off cliffs for Eddie before and he’d do it again and again if he got the chance.

Their faces inches away, Richie pins Eddie to his bed, shoving their lips together much harder this time, one hand curiously resting at the hem of Eddie’s pants. “Oops my ass...” he gasps into their sloppy teenage kiss.

Real smooth, Eddie. This attempt at seduction was an embarrassing failure at its finest, but being pinned by Richie on his own fucking bed made the entire experience worth it. How many times had he imagined this scenario only to wake up to an empty bed with a new mess to clean up. It’s more amazing than he could ever imagine and seeing Richie’s growing reaction assures that paranoid part of him that it isn’t a cruel joke.

“Just a mistake, honest,” he breathes out before Richie sweeps him into another kiss. Eddie jolts when he feels curious hands at his pants, the fabric already straining against his dick.

Their tongues are mashing so much, Richie feels like he’s just drooling into Eddie’s mouth, the strain in his pants finally pressing to Eddie’s with one particularly deep kiss as Richie’s gasps loudly into Eddie’s mouth. He licks at his mouth and goes back to sucking face when his curious hand can’t help but cup Eddie through those fucking short shorts Richie has been fantasizing about peeling him out of for longer than he can remember.

“Eds.... fuck, fuck this is...” he whimpers, feeling Eddie through his shorts, “I uh... Eds, this is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever...” his face is centimeters away looking down at him, flushed and oh so familiar.

He’s glad that Richie seems to be as desperate for this as he is. He shifts clumsily, trying to position himself so he’s rubbing against Richie in a more consistent rhythm so he can burn Richie’s gasps into his memory for when he’s alone later.

Jesus fuck, Eddie Kaspbrak, how the hell did you make it to second base with a guy who only made jokes about fucking your mom?!

Eddie gasps so loud it’s nearly deafening, “What the fuck, what the fuck,” Eddie hisses between breathes, unable to help himself from arching up into Richie’s touch, mouth parted and panting.

This must be some kind of wet dream, there’s no other explanation. Richie gulps upon seeing the hottest look on Eddie’s face like he was straight out of a shitty porno he stole from the gas station. (Long story) Feeling desperate and greedy, Richie lets go and lifts both of Eddie’s legs, mounting himself between them like they were actually fucking, dry humping exactly as Stan predicted they would.

Looking down at Eddie right now, legs splayed on either side in those fucking shorts, the bulge in his pants super apparent and growing by the second, that lewd look on Eddie’s face? Richie’s a novice and he’s definitely about to nut.

Richie mashes their mouths together, teeth clacking by mistake but he could not fucking care less as he starts sucking sloppily on Eddie’s tongue, desperately holding back from finishing too early.

His hands are tangled in his bed sheets, grasping for any hold on reality. This is definitely a dream, or Eddie’s shortness of breath is giving him a really good hallucination thanks to his overactive imagination. But Dream!Richie never lifted his legs into the air and rubbed against him until it felt like he was having the most intense asthma attack of his life. And instead of chest pain, his dick throbbed until Richie rocked against him again, rhythm hiccuping as they both got closer to climax. He must be losing his mind, it’s the only explanation he hasn’t come yet.

Eddie’s thighs are starting to burn from the angle, and he can’t figure out what the fuck to do with his hands, but he can’t stop, threading his fingers through Richie’s hair as he clumsily returns his kiss.

Eddie’s stomach clenches tightly, his fingers stilling in Richie’s hair, and he starts babbling. “Ahh, I’m— fuck, fuck, Rich,” he slurs, pressing up into Richie and shaking as he comes inside his shorts.

The second the nickname is uttered, Richie bites Eddie’s lip accidentally, nutting in his underwear at the same goddamn time. He groans into Eddie’s mouth, grabbing Eddie’s hands and clenching them in his.

Don’t be scared.

But I’m scared, too.

Eddie I really like you.

Eddie I’ve always really fucking liked you.

Did that really just happen?

Is this real?

I’m here with you.

This is so fucking real to me.

“I never fucking thought... I’d get to see you make that face,” he hides his face in Eddie’s neck, kissing his skin, feeling Eddie’s pulse against his lips.

Richie coming against him sends Eddie spiraling: he feels like he’s swimming through clouds, high off his release and feeling as light as a balloon. It’s dizzying, but Richie’s hands and mouth are an anchor pulling him back into reality.

Eddie sighs contentedly as Richie nuzzles against him, laughing softly. Everything is soft and warm and if it weren’t for the current state of his underwear, Eddie thinks he could stay under Richie forever.

“Could you even see it without those coke-bottle glasses of yours?”

Eddie smells way better than he has any right to, fucking germaphobe. Richie’s going to remember this moment for the rest of his life.

He rolls to his side, squinting dramatically, “Who are you again?”

Eddie feels like he has the stupidest grin on his face, still in disbelief over the night’s events. He turns and cups Richie’s cheek. “Dumbass,” he says affectionately, sounding vulnerable and sleepy.

Eddie can’t pull this shit and expect Richie to just lay there and take it. That affection in his voice, that grin he has, the vulnerability.... this was unreal.

Richie daringly cups a hand around Eddie’s ass, putting their foreheads together. “Oh, hey Eds, couldn’t see ya, too far away. You won’t believe what the fuck I just got up to with this really cute guy who called me names the whole time. Think I’ll ever see him again?” A daring squeeze.

Now their foreheads are TOUCHING?? He can’t believe Richie Tozier could actually be as smooth as he bragged about. The hand on his ass is startling and Eddie gasps, heart-rate spiking and making him more alert. He glares grumpily at Richie and presses his thumb into the other’s cheekbone with a frown. “I bet there isn’t a single person who’s going to believe you did anything with someone who wasn’t that guy’s mom.”

It’s not like he’d ever tell anyone anyway. He and Eddie could take this to their graves and he’d have felt like he was doing the right thing for both of them. His grip tightens for a moment, “Well, Stan might. He’s the one who predicted we’d stop at dry jumping from the very fucking beginning.”

“That look barely works on me, I can barely fucking see you right now.”

Eddie rolls his eyes with a groan, “Oh my god, of course Stan of all fucking people would have predicted this. He’s too smart for us losers.”

“How was I supposed to know we’d get this far? I don’t know how the fuck he predicts everything like he’s got some kinda sixth sense or something, it’s fucked up. How the fuck are you not scrubbing your underwear in the bathtub and crying right now, germaphobe??”

“Ugh, no I’m so disgusted right now,” Eddie shivers. “Fuck me for trying to have a moment with you after we both came in our pants like a bunch 12 year olds.”

“I mean if that’s what you want, Eds, sure I can fuck you.” He does that horrible British accent Eddie hates so much, “I’m on the case, pip-pip!”

“Shut UP, you’re being such an asshole. I don’t want to be fucked by the British guy, not tonight, not evert!”

Richie squeezes his ass, “I’m shit at not ruining the moment, huh, Eds?”

“Oh my god, can you seriously hear yourself right now? There’s nothing hot about what you’re doing right now.” Now that the high has worn off, he’s painfully aware of the mess in his pants.

“Me? Hot? I hate to fucking break it to you, Eds, but the guy with his hands on your ass’ nickname is literally “trashmouth”I think this is as hot as it gets,” he puts his other hand on his ass and puts their faces close together, “What if I shut the fuck up and do this?” He leans in and kisses Eddie more normally than he did before, a chaste and shyer kiss than the sloppy bad ones he was giving earlier. This one was better but still not very good.

Eddie does not protest when Richie kisses him, instead pressing back against his lips to make a clumsy attempt to deepen their kiss in the way Richie had earlier. He grabs a fistful if Richie’s shirt as he shyly presses his tongue against Richie’s lips.

“Mph!” Eddie manages as he feels Eddie’s tongue pressing against his lips, opening his mouth and allowing their tongues to mash together again. He squeezes Eddie’s ass and sorts out a deep sigh against his lips. Holy shit, how the hell did he get so lucky? Lionel Richie needs to relax but he’s already starting to twitch as Richie’s hands continue to explore Eddie’s ass with a decade old desire, Richie can’t seem to hold back.

Eddie’s tongue slides through Richie’s lips, a poor imitation of their earlier kiss, tongue soft and curious. He’s starting to get a half chub in his pants, a uncomfortable feeling that nearly overrides the pleasant distraction of Richie’s hands on his ass.

Richie is learning that not all kisses have to work like their first and he doesn’t have to shove their tongues together so roughly, slowing down when he feels Eddie’s tongue press against his, eyes closing and hands giving Eddie’s ass a good squeeze and presses their crotches together again.

“W-what the fuck are we gonna do now, Eds? We got all horny again!” He takes a deep breath looking serious, “What if I jacked you off and you jacked me off, you know, quid pro quo?”

Their time together has never felt more special or more secretive than this. He could all too easily see himself feeling weird to be around Richie if he said goodbye before getting him off again. But what if he was so embarrassingly bad at the other parts that Richie stopped speaking to him and he stayed an uncool virgin for the rest of his life?

Eddie just groans, hands already moving up to his belt and undoing it. “Oh, God, I’ll do almost anything to get out of these pants. It’s like—it’s like being stuck in jizz hell, I’m not sure how I lasted this long without cleaning up.”

“Wait...! Eddie, I can help..!” Richie moves Eddie back onto his back and gulps, “I’ve always wanted to uh... rip these off that’s all.” Richie moves Eddie’s hands out of the way, “I’ll be fast, swear on your mom’s life.” He continues undoing Eddie’s pants, fingers sliding down his pants’ waistband to reveal more of Eddie’s lower abdomen and stomach, gulping as he sees the bulge in Eddie’s shorts propped against the tip of where he’s pulling, tighty whities as immaculate as he remembered.

He takes a deep breath and tugs them up and off, Eddie’s soiled underwear now front and center along with this excitement. “Hey if you don’t have a name for him, can I name him?” Richie can’t help but never shut up especially when he’s nervous. “What if we called him “Mr. Clean” or “Kleenex Master”?” Richie wants to shut up, leaning down closer to his underwear as nervous fingers slide into the waistband and tug his underwear down, the bulge about to escape from its fruit of the loom prison, Richie’s eyes like a pirate discovering gold for the first time.

“Oh my god, what kind of fucking weirdo names his dick— don’t you dare name mine Mr. Clean!” Eddie manages to stay annoyed angry even as Richie is undressing him. He’s pouts angrily through a blush.

Richie’s touch is gentle, but the fingers that slide past his waistband feel like they’re on fire. And looking down at Richie hovering above his bare thighs and underwear is better than any fantasy Eddie’s ever had about this. (Truthfully, he’d only ever had one, but it was his imagination was painfully limited when it came to sexual fantasies.)

His anxiety spikes when he sees Richie’s greedy expression. Eddie feels himself being paranoid, unsure if this was another of Richie’s poorly timed jokes, and a long set up to laugh at Eddie’s dick. He clenches a hand on the sheets, “When s-should I—uh... what about your pants?”

Richie slows down with a grin on his face, “Me, asshole! Know what mine’s named? Lionel Richie, cuz he’s gonna rock you ~all night long~” Richie sings the song and feels some of the tension leave his shoulders, fingers tugging the edge of Eddie’s underwear down, eyes wide with anticipation.

Eddie’s dick is right there, right in front of him and he’s allowed to.... do stuff with it. What the fuck? He pulls the underwear off like a greedy jerk of a kid on Christmas and gets between his legs again, gently wrapping a hand around it. “Eds would you.... mind if I.... would you think it was weird if I... with my mouth...? I wanna.... it looks... fuck, please just close your eyes I’m way too fucking embarrassed.” He’s bright red, blushing and looking away as he leans down and tentatively brushed his tongue against Eddie’s dick asking for permission.

Eddie starts to hide his face in his hands once Richie begins to sing, not because of how embarrassing it is, but because he knew the sight of Richie’s mouth hovering so close to his dick was going to make him either throw up, come, or scream. Eddie’s shoulders are shaking as Richie’s tongue brushes against his dick, “H-how do you not think this is d-disgusting?”

Richie slides his glasses back on, wanting to see Eddie’s face from this distance. He shrugs and kisses at the tip, the taste admittedly pretty gross. “I mean it tastes like dick,” he confesses, making a face. “Blech, how the hell do people put the whole dick in their mouths and act like it tastes good, the fuck is wrong with them?”

He rubs his mouth and puts his mouth back down dutifully, looking up at Eddie through his big, stupid glasses. His mouth closed around the tip and his teeth graze Eddie’s dick, Richie really not knowing any better, his intense gag reflex on the verge of betraying him.

“It’s not like you’re covering it with whipped cream, what else should it taste like strawberries?”

Eddie nearly bites through the skin of his lip, there’s something about knowing He feels dirty knowing Richie is watching him react as those pink lips close around him, simultaneously disgusted and turned on.

“Ahh-hh, watch the teeth, asshole—“

“Shorry—“ Richie does his best to apologize, leaning his head back and trying to stomach the taste, licking Eddie’s tip as he powers through and does his best to slide his mouth back down with no teeth. He had no idea how to fucking do this and it really did NOT taste very good.

He gags a little, wiping his mouth, “I had no idea how this shit tastes, it’s not like I’ve done this with anyone else, dude, damn!” He pants and looks up at Eddie, pink faced and shy.

“You don’t think it’s... gross that I’m doing this shit to you?”

Eddie shakes his head, endeared by Richie’s honest attempt at going down on him. He wants to gag just imagining if it were him going down on Richie instead— at least _Eddie knew_ the last time he washed himself with soap.

Eddie reaches out to cup a pink cheek, looking serious, “I don’t think what we’re doing together is disgusting. Honestly... I’ve wanted to do stuff like this for a while now too.” Eddie’s cheeks are burning as he forces himself to look stare back at Richie.

“But if you try to kiss me after putting my dick in your mouth, I swear to god I will never speak to you again.”

Richie looks like he wants to kiss Eddie so badly, eyes searching Eddie’s for a lot of things. He nods, wishing he didn’t have the taste of dick in his mouth and reaches down, grabbing Eddie by the shaft and pumping him gently. “You’ve wanted to do this shit..with me?”

Even he feels a little guilty for denying Richie a kiss when he sees the kicked puppy look. But Eddie can only gasp like he’s drowning, “Ye-yeah... I mean when...ever I think about this stuff,” he stutters through his response, squirming while Richie continues pumping him. “... you’re the only person I ever think of trying it with.”

Richie pumps harder, other hand struggling to keep himself up as his dick strains against his pants and Eddie’s leg. That sentence almost killed him, his dick painfully hard as he rubs against Eddie’s leg, “Eddie, you... you have no idea how much I fucking....!”

He pumps him nice and slow, sliding his face into the crook of his neck and kisses gently at his skin, too afraid to leave a mark.

“How much I... mph... you, asshole,” his hand is painfully slow, his lips lightly pressing themselves up Eddie’s neck.

Eddie doesn’t answer right away, panting and edging closer with a fluttering in his stomach he wants so badly, it scares him. His mind is spinning itself in circles greedily taking in the sounds and sights of Richie rutting against his leg. “I’m— hah— you’re better than— I ever could imagine,” Eddie hisses through his teeth, the hand he’s resting against Richie’s neck tightening into a fist.

When Richie slows down, he feels like sobbing, “Ahhh, Richie—don’t stop, no, what the fuck—“ Eddie whimpers, head falling back against the sheets and writhing.

Eddie’s fucking complimenting him now? What the fuck world is this? Watching Eddie enjoy this so much has Richie yearning to be pressed up against him, he makes it look so damn good.

Licking his lips, Richie removes his hand on Eddie and Eddie’s hand on him for a moment, (knowing Eddie’s going to complain so much but he loves everything about this little asshole including every shitty little complaint that comes out of him) slides his own pants down, then his underwear.

Feeling shy, he mumbles, “told ya I’m super hung, no need to be intimidated or anything, I’m just like you, honest.” He leans back over Eddie, pressing their foreheads together when he grabs both of their dicks and starts pumping them together.

“Shit...! Eddie! How t-the fuck am I this close...?”

Just as he’s settling into the new rhythm, teased, but feeling like he’s about to have the best orgasm of his life, Richie’s hand disappears, and Eddie’s groan of frustration sounds angry enough to kill.

“What’d I just say—is this a game to you? I’m seriously getting blue-balled here—“ Eddie’s whining continues as he looks up from the pillow in time to watch Richie pull down his pants and free Lionel Richie from his cloth prison. The sight of Richie makes Eddie tense against the bed, a tricky combination of aroused, terrified, and curious about what Richie plans to do next.

Eddie thinks he sees stars when Richie pumps them together, lasting only a few strokes and scrambling to cover his mouth when he comes with a scream.

All that frustration does is make Richie even more impossibly obsessed with Eddie. Being between his legs like this, glasses fogged up while his hands pumps them both to completion, Eddie’s eyes trained on him and forcing him to shudder, crumbling under the gaze of the one fucking person in the whole world he wants staring at him so much his heart could burst when he finally is.

“Eds...” he pants, whispering his name, “Eds!” His hand pumps even harder, orgasm hitting him like a wave of realization, Eddie’s name like a prayer that he isn’t imagining this. “Eddie, fuck! I fucking l—“ That word is way too scary for right now. “I fucking... look like... some kinda.... used condom.” He mumbles, looking at his hand covered in jizz.

“Richie...” Eddie shivers at the way Richie chants his name, unable to stop himself from answering back as rides through the frenzied pace of Richie’s orgasm. “Richie—“ Gasping, he lays back against his bed to catch his breath. He feels like he’s about to fall asleep, only to snort through a laugh as he processes what Richie is saying, “A... used condom? What the hell? Don’t be weird, just clean up and lay down next to me.”

“I’m covered in my own seamen, what’s not weird about this?” Richie shifts uncomfortably, grabbing some tissues beside Eddie’s bed. He tries not to think about what he does with them and tosses Eddie some, wiping himself off and pocketing the tissue awkwardly. The way Eddie said his name is going to be seared into his mind for... a while.

“So uh... I’ve been wanting to do that for a fucking while.”

“I.. uh, think that goes without saying for me...” Eddie is meticulous about how he wipes his himself clean, shyly turning away as though Richie didn’t just jack him off or put his dick in his mouth.

He sits on the edge of the bed, shirt covering him as he swings his bare legs. He clears his throat to fill the air, not sure what to do with Richie being so awkward.

Feeling uncomfortable, Eddie starts rambling, “Thanks for coming out here so late. My mom started taking these pills for her thyroid and they just knock her the fuck out for the rest of the night. Thank God, though, I don’t know what she would have done if she heard me screaming in the middle of the night.” Eddie shakes his head just picturing it, “Probably have a heart attack, think I was dying or getting kidnapped.”

Richie shakes his head and pulls Eddie in a tight embrace, for once in his life, shutting the fuck up. “You have no fucking idea... how much I’m going to think about you screaming my name like that for the rest of my fucking life.”

Eddie grins into Richie’s neck with a soft laugh as he returns the other’s embrace. It’s nice being held by him, something he’d rather die than admit right now.

“I can’t believe you called me ‘Eds.’” He says it affectionately. His looks away with a blush, “... Gonna think about how you look when you come the next time I’m in the shower.”

“Holy SHIT! And they call me trash mouth but you’re much fucking worse!” Richie laughs and puts his hand on top of Eddie’s a look in his eyes that can only be described as ‘enamored.’ “You would be a shower masturbator, germaphobe.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, pouting and feeling a little self-conscious, “It’s just— it’s just faster to do it there since it washes down the drain, okay!!”

“Invite me next time, then,” Richie responds, fingers affectionately tangling in Eddie’s hair.

He snorts, “Will you keep your glasses on? We’ll both just slip, hit our heads on the tub and— and— who knows what?”

“Catch your mom’s crabs, that’s what.” Richie sneaks a kiss, buttoning his pants completely and pulling away knowing Eddie’s gonna smack him.

“Ugh—bleh—fuck you, man!” Eddie reaches over and punches him in the arm. He gags a little, licking the taste of Richie from his mouth, “... I can’t believe my dick tastes _that_ bad.”

Richie just laughs, “what the fuck did you expect? For it to taste like strawberries??” He sticks his tongue out, imitating Eddie’s voice when he says that with a laugh.

“Asshole,” he flips him off, also laughing, knowing he deserved it for being a smart ass earlier. Eddie trails off as Richie’s tongue disappears into his mouth. “... Maybe it isn’t that bad.”

Richie puts his hands on Eddie’s cheeks, making him look up at him. “What isn’t?” He flashes a cheeky smile knowing exactly what Eddie means.

Eddie reaches up, bracing himself against his shoulder before pressing his lips to Richie’s with a little too much force, kissing away that cheeky grin.

Richie kisses him back, one hand playing with his hair as he tilts his head and deepens their kiss. He could do this forever with Eddie, how the hell did he get so lucky?

He rests his hands against Richie’s hip bones, lips parting and tongue sliding against Richie’s lazily. Eddie must be some kind of masochist, standing half-naked in his room and making out with Richie Tozier. It was hard not to be selfish when he was around.

Wasting no time, Richie grabs Eddie’s ass and does the same. Shit, Eddie’s way too into this how the hell is he expected to stop? His hand gripping Eddie’s ass tightens it’s grip.

Richie keeps making out with him despite knowing he should slow down, sucking on his tongue, not giving a shit because Eddie Kaspbrak is making out with him in his fucking room with no fucking pants on.

“Mmph,” Eddie’s fingers curl in Richie’s shirt when he feels his ass being grabbed. Why did kissing Richie feel so right, like they were meant to be doing it all this time? He felt like he was getting greedy.

Realizing he’s an “ass man”, Richie licks around inside of Eddie’s mouth as he continues to mush his fistfuls of ass. It felt like they were making up for some kind of lost time. “So you’re my fuckin’ boyfriend now, right?”

“Is that— is that how it works? Is that even safe for us to be doing right now?”

Boyfriend: a word so terrifying and exciting he could never entertain the idea without having a panic attack. It feels like a spell between them has broken, and Eddie tenses, pressing his face into Richie’s neck and sighs, seeking comfort from the beating of his heart.

He thinks of all the reports on hate crimes he’s read matching his description. The numbers and statics race dizzyingly through his head, “I’m just—scared. I’m so scared. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

Richie looks just as terrified when the spell breaks, “w-wait, Eds, no way we can’t tell anyone! It would be between us completely, I wouldn’t even tell all the guys and we probably shouldn’t do any of this stuff where anyone could see or anything. Bowers, no, lots of people would be mad if they knew... if anyone hurt you because of me, I’d never be able to fucking forgive myself, man.” He puts a hand on the back of Eddie’s neck.

“It can be our secret...” The words seem to force their way out of him. “Our dirty little secret.”

“Secret...” the word tastes like ash in Eddie’s mouth. All the joy from discovering Richie actually returned his feelings has popped like a balloon. But he can’t disagree—the risks of telling anyone, even the Losers Club, are too great. One wrong comment, one lingering glance—he’d end up another statistic. He can picture Bowers’ shitty mullet and sneer and grumbles against Richie’s skin, “... I fucking hate this place. People like Bowers should just—fuck off and disappear.”

“I wish he would fuck off and go suck his dad’s dick, that mullet wearing asshole,” Richie mumbles, comforting Eddie by holding him like he used to, but now... it feels different now. Richie pets his hair and smiles into it, “You know... we could fuck off once school is over, too. Go somewhere that isn’t so small minded and small dicked.”

Eddie huffs through a laugh, wrapping his arms around Richie’s waist like he doesn’t ever want to let go. “That was always the plan, wasn’t it? But...” he meets Richie’s eyes under a misplaced lock of hair, “Now we don’t have to pretend we didn’t want to do it together.”

Richie’s heart skips a beat, cheeks turning pink. “So I won’t get to see you denying how much you like me anymore? Is it weird I’m kinda bummed??”

“Uh, yeah, because nothing is really gonna change, dickwad. I’m not gonna stop telling you to fuck off, I’ll just kiss you later.”

“Can I get a... a sneak peek of what that’s gonna look like?” Richie pushes his glasses up shyly.

Eddie just rolls his eyes, “Fuck you, we have school tomorrow and it’s almost 2 in the morning!” He pauses angrily and crosses his arms as if making a point. Then he pulls Richie in by the collar to kiss him.

Richie kisses back, excited as hell for this new dynamic. “Not my fault your mom and I were having one hell of a night.”

“You can brag about that one, at least,” Eddie rolls his eyes as he says it. “Maybe Stan will finally give you a high five.”

“Stan ALWAYS gives me high fives dude, but now that I can make out with you whenever I want? High fives don’t seem that cool, you know?”

“Oh yeah? Now that you’re only half a virgin, you’re too cool for high fives?” Eddie’s question is cut off by a particularly intense yawn. “Okay, s’time to go. I’m falling asleep!” He holds Richie at arm’s distance, “I’m gonna sleep through homeroom and get detention if you stay any longer.”

“I’m not a fucking virgin, what the fuck? Have you SEEN how hung I am??” He drops the act for a moment, “Hey... don’t be scared, okay? Of any of this. You’ll be safe and we’ll make sure Bowers doesn’t catch on. I promise.”

Eddie looks at him, eyes wide and doe-like, “... I won’t lie, it’s hard not to be scared knowing what’s out there, but... I trust you. We’ll look out for each other, like we always do.”

“That’s right we will. Who’s the guy who got sent to the hospital for a week for telling his mom that he ingested some fabric softener that was actually a little too much of my mom’s brandy?”

Eddie nods to himself, stifling a laugh as he remembers how awful that week was. He still wasn’t able to go near the laundry room, “Me.”

“Who’s the guy who snuck into the movie theater and STILL had the nerve to demand a refund??”

“... Me. Can’t believe they even gave us free popcorn and soda as if it could help make up for what a complete waste of time that movie was.”

“And who’s the guy who just made out with his best friend in a small hick town with a crazy mom in the next room over?”

“Me,” Eddie’s smile is warm, cheeks dimpling as he takes Richie’s hand in his own and laces their fingers together tightly. “Thanks, Richie. There’s only 6 more months... we got this.”

Richie takes his face and kisses him gently for the first time this evening, unable to help himself. “Think you can handle holding yourself back from all THIS,” he gestured at himself, “in front of other people for six whole months?”

Their kiss is sweet and short, ending with Eddie staring back at Richie, dark brown eyes sparkling with excitement. His grin is mischievous, “I’ve thought about this for so long that I think I’ll be fine for six more months.”

“You can’t say shit like that if you want me to actually get the fuck out of your room, Eds! That’s so fucking unfair,” he searches his eyes and kisses him again, “Admitting shit like that, you’re just like a girl. Am I sure I’m gay?”

“Nah, feelings are gay as shit,” Eddie says with a laugh, kissing Richie back softly. “Okay, seriously. We have to stop—not gonna get any sleep with you here.” Eddie steals another kiss, as he starts walking Richie back toward the window. “But... stay the next time you come over.”

“T-the whole night?” Richie’s voice gets pretty high, incredulous at the thought. “Like _all night long_ all night?” He wiggles his eyebrows and kisses back, grabbing onto the windowsill like Peter fucking Pan. “You know what that invitation means, right?”

“Yeah, it means you might get to fuck my mom,” Eddie leans against the window frame just out of reach. Goosebumps are visible on his legs as he smirks, ready to push Richie out the window if it didn’t increase his risk of falling and causing a scene.

“Yes!!! Finally!! A dream come true!!!” Richie climbs into the tree pretty effortlessly, saluting Eddie, “See ya tomorrow, _babe_!” Finger guns as he hops down and mounts his bike, starting to get grossed out by the feeling of his spiked underwear again.

Eddie can be seen from the window, giving Richie an answering salute as Richie cycles away, snorting when he sees Richie shudder as he turns the corner into the night.

Richie would probably not be sleeping for the rest of the night, thinking about everything that just happened and what that means his future will look like. With Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We hope you enjoyed Richie and Eddie's very awkward first attempt at romance 
> 
> Because they've been aged up, next week, the Losers Club goes to work! Here's a sneak peak at what their their jobs would be:  
> Stan is a math tutor and he hasn't been able to work because Richie still has his TI-84  
> Richie is a barista, but a bad one, who has only kept his job this long because he's so charming and makes a lot of tips.  
> Bill and Mike work together at the local grocer, either working as cashiers or doing the late shift and stocking shelves.  
> Ben is attending classes for an architecture program on top of finishing high school  
> Bev works at her family's diner, the one that took her in when her just dad just left and stopped existing.  
> And Eddie doesn't work because his mom's crazy. 
> 
> Enjoy a sneak peek into next week's chapter full of diner antics, Richie failing no nut November, and lots of Stan's patience being tested.


	3. Back to the Daily Grind

🎈 **The Losers Club** 🎈

_Bill **(CaptBBBill)** has logged into the chat._

_Mike **(fuckderry)** has logged into the chat._

_Beverly **(lilolbeverly)** has logged into the chat._

_Stan **(NoviceBirder)** has logged into the chat._

**(CaptBBBill)** Hey guys, just got home from Georgie’s baseball game

 **(fuckderry)** he getting any better?

 **(CaptBBBill)** He’s doing great actually! Getting real good at stealing bases

 **(CaptBBBill)** he’s getting so good I think he could be pro

 **(fuckderry)** well damn id like to see that

 **(fuckderry)** always down to help practice

 **(NoviceBirder)** haven’t we been saying that for years, Bill?

 **(lilolbeverly)** I wasn’t gonna be the one to say it

 **(NoviceBirder)** Tell him I said good job

 **(lilolbeverly)** Bill’s just the ultimate big brother

 **(CaptBBBill)** Georgie says thanks, Stan

 **(CaptBBBill)** Aww thanks Bev

 **(NoviceBirder)** it’s a gift

 **(lilolbeverly)** I wish I had a brother growing up sometimes

 **(fuckderry)** same here, especially one as good as Bill

 **(NoviceBirder)** Honestly the day that Bill stops being a good brother could be a sign of the apocalypse

 **(CaptBBBill)** jeez guys

 **(CaptBBBill)** I don’t think it’s THAT serious

 **(lilolbeverly)** seriously

 **(lilolbeverly)** hey um

 **(lilolbeverly)** has anyone seen Richie all weekend?

 **(lilolbeverly)** I hate to ask

 **(lilolbeverly)** but the group chat’s been kinda

 **(lilolbeverly)** normal

 **(NoviceBirder)** he’s been so WEIRD lately

 **(NoviceBirder)** Kind of like he’s throwing a tantrum or something

 **(fuckderry)** Richie? Throwing a tantrum? Doesn’t sound like him

 **(fuckderry)** does sarcasm show in text at all? Can you guys hear that?

 **(lilolbeverly)** I was thinking about popping by the cafe after work but I got stuck with another night shift

 **(lilolbeverly)** if anyone wants to keep me company so I’m not stuck smoking in the bathroom alone all night

 **(lilolbeverly)** but maybe someone could check on him?

 **(CaptBBBill)** Not at all, man. I think we need a code for sarcasm

 **(fuckderry)** good thinking Bill

 **(CaptBBBill)** I’ve got an essay that I’m having trouble focusing on

 **(fuckderry)** I have a late night stocking shift tonight

 **(fuckderry)** was bill’s but he had an essay to do

 **(lilolbeverly)** …

 **(lilolbeverly)** Stanley?

 **(CaptBBBill)** thanks so much again dude I owe you

 **(fuckderry)** you know me, always happy to help, Bill

 **(NoviceBirder)** Sorry afk for a sec

 **(NoviceBirder)** I’ll go

 **(NoviceBirder)** That asshole still has my TI-84 and I need to finish my calculus hw

 **(lilolbeverly)** thanks stan, I bet he’ll appreciate it

 **(NoviceBirder)** I have a feeling I know what’s going on, anyway

 **(lilolbeverly)** yeah.... where’s Eddie been, anyway?

 **(NoviceBirder)** Being tucked into bed by his mom

 **(lilolbeverly)** I guess it is— 5 pm?

 **(NoviceBirder)** He keeps falling asleep in class and she’s worried he’s not sleeping enough

 **(lilolbeverly)** he’s got it rough, huh?

 **(NoviceBirder)** it’d be funny if it weren’t completely insane

 **(lilolbeverly)** I feel bad for him

 **(NoviceBirder)** idk how he does it

 **(lilolbeverly)** He’s really strong

 **(lilolbeverly)** in his own way

 **(fuckderry)** ahahaha

 **(NoviceBirder)** true af

 **(fuckderry)** I don’t disagree though

 **(fuckderry)** I gotta head over to the grocery store now, let us know how it goes, Stan

 **(NoviceBirder)** Stubborn little shit, but I guess he has to be with a mom like that

 **(NoviceBirder)** Yeah, I’ll let you all know

 **(NoviceBirder)** See ya, Mike!

 **(lilolbeverly)** I’ll be online for a bit still

 **(lilolbeverly)** let me know if you need anything

 **(CaptBBBill)** Ugh, maybe I’ll come to the diner for a change of scenery, Bev

 **(lilolbeverly)** I promise my coffee won’t suck this time

 **(NoviceBirder)** Sounds good Bev. I’ll stop by after I talk with Richie

_Mike **(fuckderry)** has logged off._

**(lilolbeverly)** bring him if you want

 **(NoviceBirder)** Give you a little in person update

 **(lilolbeverly)** sounds good to me

 **(NoviceBirder)** Now there’s an idea

 **(lilolbeverly)** I’ll see you guys soon then

 **(lilolbeverly)** thanks for helping me pass the time

 **(lilolbeverly)** I get so bored I could die

 **(NoviceBirder)** I think he’s got a shift at the The Daily Grind rn so we’ll see

 **(CaptBBBill)** Oh shit bye Mike

 **(lilolbeverly)** okay seeing him in that apron is pretty funny

 **(NoviceBirder)** Tbh I’m just looking for an excuse to make fun of his apron

 **(NoviceBirder)** He hates it so much

 **(lilolbeverly)** good prep for his future as a potty mouthed housewife

 **(lilolbeverly)** well that’s what he says anyway

 **(NoviceBirder)** Like anyone would ever

 **(lilolbeverly)** you never know

 **(lilolbeverly)** customer! g2g

_Bev **(lilolbeverly)** has logged off._

**(NoviceBirder)** I’ll shave off all my hair the day it happens

 **(NoviceBirder)** Bye Bev! Bye Bill, see ya later

 **(CaptBBBill)** Oh yeah, Richie’s apron is so funny

_**(NoviceBirder)** has logged off_

**(CaptBBBill)** Oh. Bye guys

_Bill **(CaptBBBill)** has logged off._

* * *

Richie is working the evening shift at the Daily Grind. It’s been three weeks since he got to touch Eddie and he was shaking the blender way too hard, the frappe’ he was sliding to the woman at the end of the bar. “Come again or whatever!” He looks frustrated as he goes back to washing dishes, eyebrows furrowed. Why?? Won’t??? Eddie??? Fuck him?? He PROMISED!!

Stan pushes the door to the Daily Grind open with the sound of a tinkling little bell, watching Richie make someone’s drink with more aggression than was necessary. His shoulders are stiff and he seems to be skulking around behind the counter. Stan makes it to the counter in three long strides and says, “You look worse than you did during No Nut November. What the fuck is happening to you, dude?”

Being called out, out of nowhere like that, Richie jumps. He shivers and looks back at Stan with a skeptical furrow of his brow. “The fuck you trying to say, dick meat? I’m doing just fucking fine AND I’m at work!” He gestures to the bar where his shift lead is standing there looking at the young girl beside her, they exchange glances.

“Richie, you can take your break now if you and your friend want to talk. Might make you feel better.”

“I’m fine!” He retorts but throws his apron in the back, both embarrassed to have it on. He steps out from behind the counter, blinking loudly, hands in his pockets and feeling annoying. “So why come ask me shit like that in the middle of the fucking day like I have all the time in the world to explain to you, Stan, “what the fuck is going on with me”?

Stan stares back completely unfazed, unfortunately used to this grumpier and avoidant Richie. “Because I care about you? As a friend?” He raises a brow as he says, “Fuck if I know why when you’ve been in such a pissy mood recently.”

He sighs and lifts his glasses to rub his eyes, “I can’t tell you, okay? I _promised_.”

Stan senses that this conversation will go one of two ways: 1) Richie will explosively and explicitly tell him to fuck off, cause a scene, and get fired from work, or 2) Richie will follow him into the back alley, and _then_ explosively and explicitly tell him to fuck off, but maybe while smoking a cigarette.

Knowing he’s navigating a delicate situation, Stan grabs Richie’s shoulder and pushes him out, taking the out his shift lead has given him. “C’mon, let’s go. You promised? What the fuck, you do realize you’re talking to me, right?”

Richie really DOES want a cigarette or something but shit!! Stan was leading him out already and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t freaking out, knowing Stan was gonna get it out of him but that meant he would DEFINITELY be getting no ASS!! “I need a fucking cigarette!”

He pulls some out of his back pocket, lighting up by the dumpsters as Stan stares him down with those old man eyes of his. Dammit. “It’s just fucking stupid, okay? And I promised....” he looks away, “him I wouldn’t.... out him....”

Stan’s gaze softens, connecting the dots immediately as he stoically watches Richie takes his first drag. He crosses his arms over his chest, “No shit. Even though it was super obvious to _literally_ everyone when it happened— but _neither_ of you said anything. So— what then? Does that mean it stopped being a thing?”

“Hell no, that’s the goddamn problem!” He crosses his arms, angrily pinching his brows together behind his thick glasses. “That obvious, huh? Don’t tell him that, he’d probably have an asthma attack and end up on the hospital for another fucking week. You don’t think it’s obvious to anyone but you, right? Bowers and them... Shit.” He takes another deep drag of the cigarette. “If he got hurt cuz of me. Shit. Fuck.”

“What? No, I’m talking about us, dipshit. Well. Me and Bev. If it ever got that bad, we’d have your back, you know that right?” Stan’s gaze is stern, as if making a promise.

Richie refuses to make eye contact, instead looking at the ground and blowing smoke out dramatically. “Since when are you and Bev everyone?” He sighs and shifts, “You know what??” He finally makes eye contact with him, “So what the fuck do you want from me, huh? To have some big fucking party where I tell everyone and we get married under a giant fucking rainbow?? I don’t get it, Stan! It’s not like we can do shit like that in fucking DERRY, right???” He scoffs, “look. I’m sorry I’ve been taking this shit out on you, I’m just.... frustrated as shit, okay?”

“It’s not like we’re asking you to parade around and paint a target on your backs, shit. I grew up here too and I see what happens to Mike everyday. Derry,” he spits the word like venom, “is a fucking plague on this earth. Let us look out for you—that’s what the Losers Club is for, isn’t it?”

He sighs and kicks a rock down the alley, “We don’t want anything bad to happen to you all either.”

“But if no one knows there’s nothing to _look out_ for! It’s a win-win situation! I didn’t even fucking expect to ever be able to tell him, he’s avoiding me anyway. Doesn’t fucking matter.”

Stan sighs like he can’t argue against what Richie is saying. The fear he’s describing echoes the nausea he’d get whenever Richie would raise his eyebrows and elbow him while talking to Bill.

“He’s not intentionally avoiding you. Ever since he got detention for sleeping in class, his mom has been tucking him into bed.”

Richie swallows thickly, holding down bile in his throat. “Why the fuck do you think he’s been sleeping through class, asswipe??”

He’s just learned way more than he wanted about Richie and Eddie’s sex life. Stan covers his face as his cheeks color with embarrassment, “Jesus fuck, so then just— keep your hands to yourself? Just let him sleep, you fuckin’ animal.” His lips twitch as he tries not to laugh at what seems to be a lack of self control.

“Know what’s fucked up?? That’s not the fucking problem, Stan!! The problem is that... fuck, I already told you so I might as well, just tell you the whole damn thing!” He takes a really long drag of the cigarette, tapping it and shifting his weight to one foot. “So, remember how I was sneaking into his house at midnight a few weeks ago? I kid you fucking not, dude, third base. THIRD. FUCKING. BASE.”

“Third base? Bullshit. You did not get to third base with—“ he cuts himself so his voice doesn’t escalate into the scream it threatens to be.

He looks way too flustered, hand shaking as he smokes the cigarette a little too hard and starts coughing, “Well _he_ got to third base,” he keeps coughing “shut the FUCK UP, Stanley, I will SERIOUSLY kick your ass.”

“What the FUCK, are we even talking about the same person?” The Eddie he knows would have had an aneurysm putting his dick anywhere near Richie.

“I’m seriously about to fucking deck you right now, man.”

“I’m sorry— I just having a hard time believing it, is all.” Stan holds out his hands, “... congrats, I think?”

Richie pushes them away, “You didn’t let me finish, dickwad! Ed—This person and I had a really wild night, you know? But we didn’t go all the way,” he sucks in some shitty air then goes back to his cigarette. “He _said_ we could then got all uppity. “Oh not this time, Richie.” “Are you fucking kidding me, Richie?” “Richie, fuck no, I meant in six months from now. What the fuck gave you that idea?” And I’m blue balled as SHIT!!”

Stan bites his bottom lip with sympathy, “Okay. That... sounds more like what I thought would be happening. Richie Tozier got the world handed to him and then it was immediately taken away, huh?”

“No, not even that! I know it’s because he’s scared as shit. I know he’s not but it feels like,” his next words carry a lot of weight. “Like he’s scared of _me_. You know?”

“Hey. Look at me, Richie,” his voice is commanding and serious. Stan stares at Richie for a quiet moment, “Eddie is scared of so many things, but there’s no _fucking_ way he’d ever be scared of you.”

Richie’s finally staring right at him. Stan’s right. He always is. He takes a deep breath and stomps out his cigarette, voice soft. “Think so?”

“I fucking know so. I’ve know you for how fucking long? I’d be a shit friend to you both if I lied about something like this.”

“You are a shit friend, prying this shit out of me on my fucking lunch break,” Richie states completely seriously, the look on his face implying the opposite. “Thanks, man. I’m still kicking your ass though. And you’d better not tell a FUCKING soul or I will take a shit on your yarmulke.”

“Tell a soul what, exactly? What the fuck are you two whispering about, out here like creeps in the alley?”

Stan’s mouth snaps shut as he turns and sees Eddie Kaspbrak himself, standing with his hands on his hips.

SHIT.

Richie’s eyes get impossibly big behind those horrible glasses, “Hey Eddie!! uh.... Stan has.....hemorrhoids.”

Stan shoots Richie a dirty look that doesn’t go unnoticed by Eddie, nearly ten feet away. “Oh, bullshit. You’re clearly talking about something serious that you didn’t want anyone else to hear, why else would you be in the piss and drug needle alley, putting your own health and well-being at risk?”

Stan rolls his eyes, “Here we go—“

Eddie’s hand cuts through the air pointedly, “You know what? Shut up, Stan. This isn’t about you, okay? The first fucking night my mom stops keeping me locked in my room after feeding me sleeping pills and _this_ is what I see?”

Sleeping pills? God, Eddie’s mother fucking disgusted him.

Richie looks between them and taps his foot in thought, doing what he does best. “All right, looks like the cat’s out of the bag.”

He looks over at Eddie, “Eddie... your mom’s pregnant and Stan’s the father. I tried ta stop him, see? I was about to deck him, make him sleep with the fishes.. but she loves that circumcised dick, that lean meat. Capiche??” He’s Italian now.

“No—shut up, Richie, I don’t want to hear from the Italian guy right now, because it’s how I know you’re lying to me! And you’re making the Italian guy lie to me instead of just being fucking honest and telling me you Just! Told! Stan! Everything!” Eddie is all but stomping his foot, against the ground, fists clenched at his sides.

“Okay you’re right but have you SEEN the way Stan looks right the fuck into your soul with those old man eyes like he knows everything?? He forced it out of me!! Look at him!!” Richie puts his hands on Eddie’s shoulders and stands behind him like Sméagol from lord of the rings. “I swear to fucking god it’s like he knows some weird ancient Jewish magic.”

Stan scoffs as Richie crouches behind Eddie, “There’s no such thing as ‘ancient Jewish magic,’ Richie. What the fuck ever gave you that idea?”

“Stan, are you fucking with me right now? Even I know that shit is real. I swear it only got stronger after your bar mitzvah. Look into your reflection’s dark stare and trying lying to yourself,” Eddie’s brows knit together angrily.

Richie is really surprised that worked, honestly. “Holy shit, Eddie, dude. Stan was just worried, okay? He... already kinda knew anyway, remember? He was just...worried about me.”

“Stan always worries. He’s like me in that way. It’s one of the things we bond over—nevermind. It doesn’t change anything! I’m actually surprised you didn’t tell him sooner, considering our conversation at the beginning of all this.”

“What the... FUCK? I could have just told him?? Then why... why didn’t you fucking just say that in the first place??”

“I mean, I’m not— I’m not mad. you told Stan. Well, that’s not true. I’m mad you told Stan in the middle of this public alleyway where anyone could hear or see—and we made a promise. But, it’s just Stan.”

“Hey,” Just Stan protests, not excited to be caught in the middle of one of their arguments again.

“No one could hear, dude, it’s just me and Stan, swear. I’m careful at least, you know?”

“Yeah... and the alley echoes. You aren’t exactly the quietest person, Richie. Everything is watching... listening.” He sounds so paranoid and shaky.

“That’s not true, hey, no ones watching or listening right now, all right? Stan’s right... the losers have our back. Eddie...” he places his hands on his shoulders and gulps, “hey.. uh... b-babe... it’s uh.. gonna be all right, okay?”

Eddie’s shoulders shake and he takes a deep breath, caught between being angry and the warmth of Richie being his actual boyfriend for two seconds.

It’s kind of cute seeing Richie dote on Eddie, if you liked watching the awkward affection between an over-enthusiastic dog and a cat angrily hissing and spitting in response.

Stan doesn’t know what to think of it, except that it’s funny as hell watching Eddie struggle to process what was happening. His smile is strained, feeling a little trapped as a third-wheel. “He’s right, Eddie. Only want to support you.”

God, Richie could kiss him but can’t. The look on his face is too much, it’s reminding him how fucking blue balled he is. He clears his throat, sensing the atmosphere getting a little weird. “You’re brave, remember? Never forget that. I promise I won’t say any weird shit outside anymore, okay?” Richie checks the time. “Shit! My lunch break is almost over!” Richie looks around in a panic, knowing there’s absolutely no one looking and no way this could ever bite them in the ass. He takes a deep breath, grabbing Eddie’s face and kissing him quickly, “enjoy the herpes,” he jokes and turns back to Stan. “Thanks for coming, man. You’re.... the best.” He smiles earnestly and rushes past Eddie almost fearfully, shouting, “okay, no more weird shit starting NOW!”

Kissing Richie in public is a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but luckily Stan is there to pull the brakes. “Fuck off,” Eddie flips him off as he rushes out the alley.

Stan salutes Richie jokingly, “No problem, dude. Any time.”

5 minutes late but feeling like a completely new fucking person from that kiss with Eddie, Richie stumbles back into the shop, apron on and heart about to beat out of his chest. His shift manager looks him up and down, “I’m going to lunch now, Richie, if another customer complains about you....” Richie waves his arms, struggling to put the horrible frill monster of an apron they make him wear on. “Customers love me! We’ll be fine! I bet I can make $20 in tips by the time you get back. What do ya say?” She pats Richie on the shoulder, not taking the bait but glad he’s feeling better.

If Eddie comes in, maybe he’ll get to make him a drink. He wonders if Stan wants anything, too. A black tie mocha, that seems very Stan.

“Herpes?” Stan asks after Richie disappears from sight.

Eddie shudders and scowls with the darkest expression Stan has ever seen. “The day after we kissed, he got a pimple on his lip and I spent that whole week panicking, thinking of course I was unlucky enough to get herpes from my first kiss.” Eddie raises a brow, and leans forward incredulously, “That fuckface told me it was a pimple and immediately tried to get me to kiss him after he popped it—I got so mad, I punched him in the throat. Ugh,” another shudder, “Never again.”

Stan snorts at this painfully in-character response, but chooses not to comment further, “Let’s get something to-go from Richie’s shop. I want to shit on his apron while he’s behind the counter.”

Eddie’s answering smirk grows wider as they enter the The Daily Grind and he locks eyes with Richie inside.

Like night and day, Richie’s in such better spirits, his manager is visibly annoyed. “Hey, hey, what’s crackin’, fuckers?” She looks down at her phone and goes into the back with headphones on so Richie won’t talk to her, the other barista following behind, not wanting people to think she’s lame for being seen with the biggest losers in school.

Richie looks back to see them both fleeing and smiles at his friends, “I know exactly why you’re here, it’s to make fun of my apron isn’t it?? Well guess what, fuckers? I don’t give a single shit that you think it’s funny because I look fine as hell in this! Clearly being a trophy wife is my path in life,” he flips his short hair dramatically, that Hawaiian shift and frilly apron combo something that nightmares are made of.

“You look like a diseased cupcake, I’m actually getting fucking nauseous looking at you,” Eddie coughs into his hand, swallowing a gag. He’s nauseous for a completely different reason, stomach flipping at the mention of Richie being a trophy wife.

Stan glares at Richie, “I’m honestly impressed your outfit gets more offensive whenever you’re here. How can anyone even look at you long enough to order?”

“Hey assholes, keep this up and neither of you are getting my free fucking drink!”

“You better give me my free drink, I’d say I fucking earned it just now,” Stan raises a brow, flicking a glance towards Eddie.

“Nope—Don’t want a drink made by you anyway, bet it tastes like shit. And coffee is bad for me—it reacts with some of the stuff I’m taking. Did you know it stunts your growth? I don’t care how much of that shit Bill drinks, but you can’t convince me that he wouldn’t be a lot taller if he stopped drinking it.” Eddie seems to be working himself up.

“And—if I drink it now I’ll stay up all night, and my mom just ungrounded me, So I am not taking any other risks tonight.”

Damn Eddie was so annoying and damn Richie enjoyed it so damn much. He tries to hide it, laughing at Eddie, “Don’t worry Eds, I promise you’re not getting any fucking taller, no amount of coffee is going to change that.” He laughs, pointing at Stan.

“You seem to me like the kind of guy who likes long walks on the beach with Eddie’s mom and black tie mochas, does that sound right?”

If he squinted, Stan could see smoke coming out of Eddie’s ears, and he knows he needs to act fast before Eddie’s temper bursts a blood vessel. “I think you’re getting me mixed up with you—I don’t like walking on the beach with anyone. But what the fuck is a black tie mocha, Richie?” Stan asks like he actually gives a shit about the drink he’s going to get. It feels like Richie isn’t going to give him a choice.

“So GLAD you asked, Stanley.” Richie starts steaming some milk and screaming obnoxiously over the wand, “It’s basically like a dark chocolate mocha mixed with old man jizz just like your mom likes! Eddie, you want some??”

Stan looks at the ceiling with a sigh, counting the seconds until Eddie’s meltdown.

“No, I don’t want shit from you, dickcheese! Especially not if whatever the hell it is you’re making has chocolate. That has even MORE problems keeping me up— the sugar? The chocolate, did you know that chocolate is caffeinated? And the highest levels are _in_ dark chocolate.”

Stan stares at Richie like the other has betrayed him by poking Eddie, the sleeping bear.

Smiling like a dumbass, Richie starts adding the whipped cream and honestly, he’s not very good at this. In fact, he’s pretty ass at it, but he makes good tips and old ladies like him so his manager keeps him around. He winks at Stan, sliding him the cup and slides back over to the counter opposite them.

Eddie’s eyes were shooting poison daggers at him and god, did he love it. “Are you sure that’s why you’ve been having trouble sleeping, Eds? Sounds to me like you need to jack it more,” he smiles knowingly, “It’s real healthy to jack off, if you don’t your dick could explode.”

Eddie’s cheeks flush bright red and it’s hard to tell from what, exactly. “Hey, Richie? Fuck you, dude. Just because you’re a sex maniac who needs to come every five minutes like some horny fuck rabbit—“

Were they actually _flirting_? Stan thinks he'd rather die than overhear this. He starts to pull out a few ones from his wallet to drop into the tip jar, only to have his hand slapped by Eddie’s, eyes crazed.

“Stan— what the fuck? Don’t tip this asshole!”

“What the fuck—?” Impressed that Eddie would bring that up, Richie’s cheeks are pretty red. “D-dude, let him tip me I swear I won’t be getting any more customers after you leave! You don’t gotta tip me Eds but I can meet you out back if you wanna tip me that way instead.”

“I’m not giving you shit!” Eddie crosses his arms, and Stan shoot Richie a smug look behind Eddie, ‘Oh boy, he sure isn’t.’

Eddie points at him, “Stan, put that money back in your wallet and _let’s go_.”

“W-wait hey wait you I’m gonna be really fucking bored if you guys leave, come on, what gives??”

Stan holds up both of his hands defensively, “I’m supposed to head to Bev’s to let her and Bill know you’re feeling better. But I can stay a bit longer.” He shrugs, “Why’re you in such a rush, Eddie?”

Truthfully, Eddie is scared to be alone with Richie in a public place because he’s so scared of his own self control. He thought he’d gotten better at avoiding these situations, but he was so wrong, “I came, I saw you with the apron. Nothing else worth seeing here, as far as I'm concerned.”

The way Eddie says that makes Richie understand everything. “I’ll uh... meet you guys at the dinner after my shift then?” He doesn’t press and for once makes no jokes, waving them off. “Now scram, I have way too much shit to do that I was putting off just to get made fun of by you fuckers.”

Stan seems to understand too, “We’ll see you at the diner later then, Richie. It’ll just be us, Bev and Bill. Mike’s shift goes past diner closing hours and one of us is going to have to make sure Eddie gets home before his curfew, otherwise his mom will think we kidnapped him.”

“I can handle it, I have the car today,” he waves nonchalant like. “See ya, guys, I’ll be off in like an hour, don’t miss me too much ~” he jokes, fake shooing them out the door to give Eddie an out.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Eddie says as he pushes open the door. He still turns and gives Richie a small wave over his shoulder, in time to catch Stan making a face as he takes a sip of Richie’s coffee. “Ugh—later dude.”

Richie nods to a Stan and watches them go, waving boredly. “Go on, get outta here,” says the Italian guy as Richie enjoys watching Eddie leave, not hiding his agenda at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone! in case you forgot, Stan is the best


End file.
